Monday, December 24, 2012

All the News That is Not Fit to Print

Eddington Family
Christmas Letter
2012 

After Mitt Romney lost the Presidential election, we spent two boring weeks in our homemade fallout shelter eating pork 'n beans out of the can, staring at the Mayan calendar and waiting for the world to end.  When we surfaced to check out our cat snare, we found out that everything looked surprisingly normal, so we went to QT and bought celebratory soda pops.  Since we're still alive, it's time to pass on the family news just one last time.

Rachael and Damon finally came to their senses and moved closer to free babysitting.  Their exodus from Texas to a lovely home just five minutes away from us still has us waking up singing Zippedee Doo Da.  Nearly every day we get to watch Zoey turning cartwheels on the lawn, hear Liam's latest obscure factoid about vampire squid or see little Josslynn's newly minted bowlegged running skills as she chases down the dog.  It's heavenly.

Cody and Breaelle continue the scholarly life at BYU while Cody finishes up his last year learning to communicate and publicly relate to others for profit. They spent the summer in Denver again and Cody sold more pest control contracts than there are pests, the mark of a true salesman.  He can't wait to graduate so he can have more time to control the fish population one cast at a time.  Breaelle can't wait for Cody to graduate so he will have less time to fish.  Brylinn has her own Barbie fishing pole and she knows that as long as there are fish, her daddy will make the time.

Max spent the summer in Alaska driving tour buses for a Cruise Line.  Objectives: dodge the moose, charm the tourists out of big tips, hike tall mountains and make wonderful friends.  He put us into a jealous frenzy sending weekly pictures that all looked like screen savers while we were suffering through another desert sizzler.  He is heading up to the University of Utah in January, transferring from BYU (which I didn't even know was legal).
 
Joey has been serving in the Utah, Ogden Mission since June and it is just as exotic as he though it would be.  His first zone consisted of 2 Canadians, 1 Native American, 1 Norwegian, 1 New Zealander, 1 Guatemalan, 1 Samoan, 1 South Korean and a British missionary with Elder Eddington serving as the token American.  He loves the people, the amphibians and preaching the gospel in the Wasatch language as only "The Joey" can.
 
Corinn is taking her last child in the family duties seriously as she demands mani/pedis every Thursday and organic corn nubbins overnighted from Iowa for her pet duck.  She divides her time between a Nurse Assistant Certification course and the rest of her senior classes at Mr. View.  When she graduates in May she will be eligible to both change adult diapers and go on to college, where she plans to become an RN so she can boss around her own CNA.
 
Darn, I'm all out of room so I can't post a photo of Mark and I.  Just take my word for it, we still look like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie...without the tattoos.  However, now that Mark isn't Bishop anymore, he has been seriously considering getting a tasteful tattoo of me in my Zumba-tard emblazoned on his left bicep.  (Either that or the one of me planking in my snuggie.)
 
Here's wishing you days that are merry and bright
and nights that are warm and snuggly!
 


Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I've Got Teeth, I Want Something Else For Christmas

I have had a flood of emails, voice messages and texts from faithful Larainy readers wondering what in the whole wide world I would like for Christmas this year.  Okay, so that isn't really true but some of you just might be needing a gentle nudge in the right direction. 

Since I am incapable of gentle nudges, I am hereby declaring what I DON'T want for Christmas.

Precious fiveheads (a size larger than foreheads) 
preserved in porcelain

Another bacon ornament

Anything by Thomas Kinkade: Painter of Trite
(Did you know that when Thomas died 
and went to heaven he was disappointed?)
 
 Eau de Sea Turtle Parfum

 
 Eyebrow extensions


 This weeks Groupon deals, including
86% off colon hydrotherapy

 But...
if you can get your hands on this little beauty,
you will be my friend for life.  

Nothing brings Christmas cheer like
Lorne Greene crooning "Merry Christmas Neighbor"
in a leather vest and cowboy hat

Ahhhhh! I love the smell of the Ponderosa in winter!