Starting the Second Term Off With a Bang

I can't believe you're up already! 

Aren't you exhausted from all the inauguration festivities?  Oh, you weren't invited?  

Well neither was I but that is not going to keep me from giving you 

the inside scoop of gossip flavored ice cream 

with fibs sprinkled liberally on top.

 

 It all started out with a bang, 

specifically the ones on Michelle Obama's forehead.  

Her hair received so much national press 

that President Obama immediately issued 

this executive order as part of his gun control initiative:

Heretofore the first lady shall be said to possess  

"wisps or tendrils"  

instead of 

"bangs" 

which have an unfortunate violent connotation.

Prior to singing the National Anthem, the first lady instructs Beyonce to stay away from her man or she will find out what "the rockets red glare" looks like coming out from under her fake eyelashes




Kelly Clarkson belted "My Country Tis of Thee" while the supreme court justices, led by Antonin Scalia in a Renaissance cap made of black velvet scowled appreciatively.

 Sasha and Malia asserted their independence at the Inaugural luncheon when they refused to eat "hickory grilled bison with wild huckleberry reduction sauce"

Sasha, the resourceful older sister pulled out two contraband twinkies from her specially insulated purse and the girls nibbled away during the boring toasts.

President and Mrs. Obama walked parts of the parade route while the secret service threw healthy candy made of tofu for the youngsters in the crowd

 And finally the eventful day was capped off by the President and Mrs. Obama scurrying around to tango at as many inaugural balls as they could it too.  These included:

• The Global Warming Ball , which was held outside on the Capitol Mall due to global warming
• The NRA Hootenanny Square Dance (in the spirit of bipartisanship)
• The  Uncle Joe Biden Disco Sleepover
• The Windfarmers Cotillion

Today, it's back to work, so hold on to your wallet!