I'm a Smoothie Operator

I gave up on my old Oster Blender because I had to play the buttons like piano keys to get it to stop blending.   I don't play the piano,  so my lack of talent resulted in a bevy of blended blobs all over my kitchen.

Which is what lead me to this muscular beauty.  I usually prefer my kitchen appliances be weak and submissive but I was assured by many healthy people, that only a 800 horsepower blender could grind up the ingredients necessary to a create a green smoothie powerful enough to help me bench press 200 lbs. and give me 20/20 eyesight with night vision capabilities.

It has changed my life.

As promised, this mini wood chipper has the ability to grind up a small mammal without deboning. 

I started out by blending up breakfast shakes, and then progressed to lunch smoothies and now we are pretty much drinking all our meals.

Husband:  Hey, what do you have in mind for dinner tonight?

Me:  I thought we would have steaks.

Husband (brightening)  With baked potatoes?

Me:  Mmmm hmmm.  And green beans.

Husband:  That sounds so good, I was really getting tired of smoothies.

Me:  Not so fast sweetie, (pouring a thick brown amalgam into a quart mason jar).  I call this the "Bottomless Black Angus" and you're going to need a fat straw.

I still can't see in the dark, 

but give me a week or two.