Ten Good Reasons To Quit Trying to Fit Into Your Bathing Suit

Do you know that there is a class in every creative writing department in every university and junior college across the fruited plain called

How to Write a List of Ten Ways to Fit Into Your Bathing Suit:101?   

Okay, maybe I made that up, but there has to be some serious scholarship on the subject because every magazine, newspaper and online column runs an article like this every day of the year from May through August.

Well I happen to think that there are some seriously compelling reasons not to fit into your bathing suit.

1.  You can't eat a whole pan of these

2.   Bathing suit crotches are notorious breeding grounds for bacteria

3.  Since your old bathing suit doesn't fit, you have an excellent reason to go to the mall and look for a new one, not find one and buy some shoes instead...also a pretzel.

4.  Your bathing suit was probably made in China and wearing it would be unpatriotic, unless you are part of the U.S. Olympic team wearing Ralph Lauren.

5. You can't drink a quart of this




6.  Losing weight, getting fit and looking good in that old bathing suit will alienate 69% of your friends and have been short on friends ever since you starting selling Cutco knives and bugging people to host parties.

7.  Forward thinkers like Al Gore are all recommending the acquisition

of a healthy fat layer to compensate for impending crop failures due to global warming.

 8.  You can't make this and eat it like that kid in the Matilda movie because you have always wanted to see if you could do it.

9.  Watching the Olympic swimming events in your jammies is much more fun.

10.  Who wants to swim anyway?  You'll just have to blow dry your hair all over again.