There are few sights more pathetic than a mother sitting on the edge of a bathtub waiting for a child to make a deposit in the toilet. She is nothing but a groveling pawn--dancing and handing out treats while her ruthless child masterfully pulls the puppet strings. It isn’t right.
Since I am the mother of five children who were completely potty trained before they could drive, I would like to offer my expertise and three tried and true methods to help you maintain your dignity.
The “Village” Method
Send your kid forth into the neighborhood to spend one day with each neighbor, each of whom has already bragged to you about being an expert with a magic method to cure children of their nasty diaper habits. By the time your little one has spent a day with each one of your weird neighbors, junior will run home and greet your toilet like an old friend.
The “Natural” Method
This involves total nudity and a miniature surveillance camera. Junior will be happy because he is naked except for the camera strapped around his chest that is focused on the plumbing area. You will be comfortably ensconced in your lazy boy watching the TLC channel, occasionally checking the video monitor that is right next to your Route 44 Diet Coke from Sonic. When you catch sight of a plumbing leak or eruption, you will leap, sprint, scoop up Junior and plop him on the toilet. Junior will eliminate and you will have eliminated all that boring bathtub perching time.
The “Positive Humiliation” Method
When Junior is settled in bed for the night with his Buzz Light Year quilt tucked under his dimpled chin, tell him the story of “Diaper Man”. Diaper man is the bad guy who comes in the window at night to see which lazy little kids are still wearing diapers. If he catches you in XXL Huggies, he will immediately call Dora the Explorer on his cell phone and she will then make fun of you on TV the next day with the whole world watching and everyone will laugh but you because you don’t understand Spanish.
WC Feliz todo el mundo
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