Children: The Pride Cure

 Yesterday my 5 year old grandson was lying across my lap on the couch and he looked up lovingly and said,

"Grandma, why is your neck so wrinkly?"

While Liam was writing

 

My grandma's neck is not wrinkly, I must need glasses

500 times and washing all my windows, I thought about pride, which is the universal sin (common to everyone but me of course).  

Children begin the laborious process of stripping us of pride from the moment we conceive. 

Pregnancy:  The fun girl that could stay up all night is replaced by a boring whiner who falls asleep over a meal of saltines and snores.

Newborn: The lithe body that once sported the long lean muscle of a porsche with flirty curves has been replaced by the pudgy shape of a Dodge Minivan with an exhaust problem.

Toddler: While your neighbors little darling has mastered bladder/sphincter control since the age of 14 months, your 3 year old responds to repeated attempts at potty training by flushing his spiderman underwear down the toilet, cutting out Pampers coupons with his safety scissors and magneting them to the fridge.

Kindergartener:  You get the glare of death from your favorite grocery store manager because you didn't notice that your little iron chef has torn open the 5 lb. hamburger package and left a trail of meatballs down every aisle.  You are too embarrassed to redeem $50 worth of coupons you spent 2 days collecting.

Grade schooler: Your babysitter abruptly begins refusing further jobs, muttering something about your child's ability to levitate out of bed at night and the need for an exorcism.

Middle schooler: When you call your child's Algebra teacher to inquire about a failing grade, she asks you sympathetically how life is on the "outside" and whether you have a sympathetic parole officer.

High schooler: You find that your daughter has won first place in spirit points, wearing your favorite outfit for "Geek Day".

With five kids mostly raised, I can still find a few scraps of pride hanging in tatters from my wrinkly frame, but I'm counting on the grandkids to take care of them.