Thursday, October 22, 2009

Locks of love

Elvis' hair sells for $15K at Chicago auction
Published: 10/18/09, 9:05 PM EDT
CHICAGO (AP) - A clump of hair believed to have been trimmed from Elvis Presley's head when he joined the Army in 1958 has sold for $15,000 at a Chicago auction house.

I have to admit, the greed vector of my brain lit up when I read the above news tidbit. $15K, for some hair? I immediately looked through my hair collection to see if I had anything of value. BINGO! Sometimes it pays to be a hoarder, in spite of what Dr. Phil says.

I quickly called up my favorite antique appraisers, those adorable spunky twins, Leigh and Leslie Keno. Now, as you know, Antiques Roadshow has more than its share of hunkalicious dudes, but these two, well let’s just say that this twin package of slim sophistication should carry plenty of insurance.

Me: Hello, is that you Leslie and Leigh?

L&L: Good afternoon Mrs. Eddington.

Me: Oh please, call me Laraine, I’m not one of your antiques you know.

L&L: Our apologies Laraine, what can we do for you?

Me: I’ve got some hair to sell.

L&L: You say you have a Gregorian horsehair sofa from the Byzantine Empire circa 1630?

Me: Not a horsehair sofa, just some hair.

L&L: Is the hair sitting on a piece of antique furniture?

Me: No, I’ve got it in a Ziploc bag in my underwear drawer.

L&L: You keep hair in your underwear drawer?

Me: Only valuable hair. Do you want to hear about it or not?

Leigh: Have you washed it?

Leslie. Does it still have a patina?

Leigh: Is it in the original packaging?

Leslie: Does it have any civil war bullet holes in it?

Me: Easy boys, hold onto your knickers.

L&L: How do you know we wear knickers?

Me: Oh for heaven’s sake, everyone on Antiques Roadshow wears knickers. Now, do you want to hear about the hair or not?

L&L: Please, do tell.

Me: Well boys, while I hate to reveal my hair harvesting secrets, but let’s just say that I am the reason Mr. Trump has a perpetual combover.

L&L: Gasp! You snatched the Donald bald-headed?

Me: It was an accident, I thought it was a mohair scarf fluttering in the breeze.

L&L: So you can provide provenance?

Me: Ohhhh yeah.  The roots are still attached, you can see them if you put on your reading glasses.

L&L: Hold on to that hair. We’re on the next plane to Phoenix.

Me: Bring a suitcase full of cash boys, Donald isn’t producing any more hair and this deal ain’t going to be cheap.


Amy said...

Where do you come up with this stuff??? Funny.

incognito said...

Each post becomes my new favorite. Where did you get that picture of Trump?

Unknown said...

I don't know what to think about Donald Trump's hair in YOUR underwear drawer. creepy.

larainydays said...

There are A LOT of things in my underwear drawer that you do not want to think about.