The Arizona legislature, under intense lobbying pressure from K.W.L.S. (kindergarteners who love sparklers), passed a law allowing limited fireworks to be sold and blown up in Arizona.
Erring on the side of caution, the joys of blowing things up are somewhat curtailed by the stringent controls.
a) Children over the age of 4 years may hold one sparkler in the dominant hand providing they have not consumed more than 4 cups of koolaid. Said child must be standing next to a swimming pool, wearing a coast guard certified life vest, ready to jump in the likely event his/her hair catches on fire.
b) Children over the age of 12 years who have a GPA of 3.0 and are CPR certified may ignite one black cat firecracker per hour during the hours 6pm-9pm on July 4th, providing they are accompanied by at least four generations of related adults, none of which have felony convictions.In spite of all the safeguards. If you give an Arizonan an inch, he will blow up a mile. Last night my neighborhood sounded like a lively day in Libya. The dog was howling, the palm trees were shivering, the smoke was thick and the smell of cordite overwhelmed the smell of hamburgers on the grill.
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I climbed on the roof, inhaled and sang "God Bless America"
to the beat of our neighborhood percussionists.
Man, I love this country!
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10 comments:
Thank heaven they've finally put in some controls with teeth!
(I suppose holding the sparklers in one's teeth is also outlawed???)
;)
I couldn't have said it better (or funnier) myself. I love your analogy to Libya...Yes! I was there too.
If it weren't for that darned felony conviction thing, I would have been there with my black cat. Rules are rules.
Arizona sure knows how to put a wet blanket on a holiday. Darn sparklers anyway!!!!!!!
I've often thought it ironic that we spend the holiday blowing up our country when we've fought for so many years defending it against would-be-destroyers. :)
Hmm...I was born in Arizona (where they blow stuff up) and have spent more than half my life in Dixie (where they blow stuff up). I always end up where people are armed to the teeth. I dunno...is it me? What do you think?
You're not going to believe this, but in much of Canada fireworks are illegal for individuals. Towns put on fireworks for the holidays, but many municipalities outlaw the sale or use of fireworks - doesn't bother me a bit.
How about if you are named Felony, but were not convicted, except by your parents?
Unlike California where we have to light sparklers in secret in our back yards. The patio is barely big enough for pinwheels gone wild, but the Piccolo Petes keep the possums away. And kids STILL manage to step on a hot one with bare feet.
I miss AZ. I don't like fireworks because I am inflammable.
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