Red Carpet Retort

I am still groggy from a sleepless night attending post Academy Award Parties.  Although I was not invited to Elton's John pretentious soiree, I did have a cornucopia of choices, including:

• The Waste Management Wingding at In-N-Out
• Fight Night + Celery Sticks  hosted by Naomi Campbell
• Bring Your Own Sack Lunch to the Park hosted by the long suffering "House Cleaning to the Stars" Union.

But let's get down to the real reason Hollywood stars exist, to show us poor folk what we should be wearin' to Kmart.  There was a lot to learn this year.

J Lo came prepared with a semi-attached white snuggy 

in case the theater was too chilly

Someone forgot to tell this guy that he should be 

trying for "bedhead" not "sleeping-bag head"

Everyone tried to crowd in for a picture with

the pregnant woman because, hey, you always

look skinny next to someone who is due tomorrow.

Charlize commits her first fashion faux pas 

when she vastly overestimates her cup size.

Nothing accessorizes like a vintage George Clooney.

Michelle Obama called Monique and

challenged her to an arm wrestle in the Rose Garden

Now we know who used all 

the toilet paper in the ladies room

Ed Asner always brings his favorite date...

his eyebrows

It was nice to meet Edward Cullen's cousin Howard

Now that Avatar has made a few bucks,

maybe James Cameron can afford to feed his wife

Uh... the Gothic Gala is two blocks south

Aunt Betty and Uncle Eugene successfully

crashed another Academy Awards.  

You go guys!

This is what is known as an "awkward Ellen" moment

No, you're not paranoid.

Someone is following you.

Someone must have lost a bet

What you get when you put 

a tablecloth, 3 scarves, and wrestling shoes in a blender

All photos found here