Headless Gymnastics: and Other Obscure Olympic Sports

There has been a goodly amount of grousing at my house during ye old Olympic Games. We have found countless hours of swimming and bikini volleyball, but nary a second of pretty plus weightlifting. 

image found here

NBC picks their pets and devotes hour after hour of coverage to them, completely ignoring the thrill of victory and agony of defeat in dozens of worthy sports.

For example. I bet you didn't see the moment that this ping pong ball was hit with such force it imbedded itself into an unfortunate athletic forehead and had to be removed with official olympic tweezers

And then there are the tangle sports.  There is nothing more exciting than watching a big crazy tangle of athletes, whether it is on the mat or in the water.  The tangle sports have been criminally ignored.



Here is a partial list of what else you have been missing.

• Melon Juggling  (Gold medal went to a Portugal farm boy with extraordinarily large hands

• Speed Mall Walking (Gold medal went to blue haired team from Pensacola Florida)

• Wine Tasting (Duh, France wins gold for the zillionth time in a row)

• Blood Letting (In this most ancient of sports, the Transylvanian team narrowly pulls off the gold medal win.  The upstart team from Forks, Washington, USA takes silver)

• Jello Moulding (USA takes home the gold in the well manicured hands of a motherly team from Utah

• Sand Sculpting (A first ever tie for the gold medal between Dubai and Kuwait) 

• Infidel Insults (Iran wins again with a string of invective that singed the beard of the judge from Sweden)

• Headless Gymnastics (China takes gold, silver and bronze)

image found here