Thursday, November 29, 2012

Good Morning Moon

 The silly moon forgot to disappear this morning,
just hung around like a Christmas ornament 
waiting to hang on our orange tree

 Since I was up annoyingly early I took a hike.

 The trail was littered with counter top material

and some of my fellow hikers had excessively hairy legs

Don't worry, I didn't have a heart attack

Look at the moss on the rocks in the background.
In Arizona, we take our green anyway we can get it.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Aren't You Glad You Saved Your Hammer Pants?

I can't believe you missed last night's 
star-studded extravaganza of self-congratulatory coolness 
known as the 59th award show of the year 
or the American Music Awards. 

In an ironic twist, the best number of the night
was by Korean pop star, PSY.
This guy brings out the middle schooler in all of us
I dare you not to dance to this.

I am totally gangnam stylin after my husband is gone to work.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Smell Like a General in Private

The U.S. news is a daily deluge of details about General David Petraeus' affair and General John Allen's scandalous, voluminous flirty emails with a Washington D.C. "socialite".  In case you don't hang around with rich folk, let me explain that a "socialite" is a woman who  -
  • socializes at parties and only drinks "lite" beverages so as to maintain an  acceptable "socialite" weight of under 120 lbs 
  • has legs and armpits completely deforested by lasers
  • requires a $1000 gown to attend a charity event raising money for naked children in third world countries

image found here

Now, as you can see, Petraeus is okay, but he is hardly the sort of Hunky Hank that would cause you to crash your shopping cart into a tower of tomato soup cans or stare without blinking until your eyelids are dried open.  In fact, the guys seems rather ordinary except for all those colorful barrettes on his uniform.

Always one to take advantage of a trend,
just in time for holiday shopping, 
 may I introduce 
Larainy's new fragrance
For times when you want to smell
like a General in Private

Betray-us is an earthy fragrance,
combining a bass note of old army rifle
with the subtle tinge of an Afghan poppy
and the pheromones of a sweaty uniform
overladen with the nostalgic waft of gunpowder residue
and a hint of cinnamon

No woman can resist it.
Just ask these two

Coming soon...camouflage pajamas!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Bad Dialogue is the Best Revenge

This television show is full of filthy rich people uttering lines like this:

"I was captain of the equestrian team during my semester in Barcelona"

Because Larainy is such a helpful sort, with a rich imagination if not a rich bank account, I am going to send the writers of Revenge some lines to insert in future episodes.


"I told you to order the blonde caviar Inez!  Can't you see I just had my teeth whitened?"

"I simply refuse to return to Bermuda until they clean up those nasty palm fronds
 blown all over by that tiresome Hurricane Sandy."

"I know I just had my lips plumped last week Dr. Steinwitz,
 but they're still not as big as my couch cushions so try again."

"Of course I've known hardship.
  I once broke three nails on a rickety zip-line in Costa Rica."

"I'm going to serve real Coke to that witchy Sierra every time she orders Diet Coke and by next week she won't be able to zip up a single pair of those skinny jeans."

"Windsor, you know I can't wear rubies!
  When the chandelier hits them the reflections look like age spots."

"She looks as cheap as a 10% off sale at Neiman Marcus."

C'mon Larainy readers, give me some more!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Howdy Senator

All ten of Jeff's brothers and sisters were with him last night
 when he won the U.S. Senate seat for the state of Arizona.  
My parents were there too, and nieces and nephews galore.
  We are Jeff's most solid core constituents.  
Don't you think it says something
 when brothers and sisters that know him well support him like that? food and the chance to get on TV.
photo from
 Here, Jeff is being congratulated by retiring Senator Jon Kyl.

Current Senator John McCain is on the right 
and Cindy McCain is on the left wearing bright green leather pants.  
I wonder if Jeff's wife Cheryl will be issued Senator's wife bright green leather pants?  
We can only hope.

 Austin, Alexis, Ryan, Cheryl, Jeff, Tanner and Dallin
 plus an exhausted Mitt Romney  on the left
hovering with a ghostly cardboard presence.

Mitt might be planning a little time off
Jeff is already rolling up his sleeves.

My hunky husband Mark, and brothers Jeff and Mike back in the day