Thursday, July 21, 2011

Renaissance Man

Today we met a man named Paul on the road through Cascade Locks.
 He is something of a renaissance man.

We shared a picnic table with Paul outside the Eastwind Drivein.  He had just finished kiteboarding on the Columbia River.  It was a perfect day for a 71 year old kiteboarder, sunny and windy.  He also plays the fiddle and saxophone, is a fabulous caricaturist and artist.  He got second place in the state fiddling competition and a second in a state raquetball tournament.  He invited us to a bluegrass festival where he is performing on the weekend.

 He is a retired electrical engineer who rigged his car to carry all  of the tools of his many trades; his kiteboard, musical instruments, airbrushing tools, and a spare pair of shorts and a t shirt.  

I told him all he is lacking is a dog, 
but it would have to be an extremely small and patient Chihuahua, 
and I don't think Chihuahuas come patient.  
 At least I don't know any.


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Across the Fruited Plain

What red blooded American family doesn't plan on hunting crawdads during the month of July. 

 What a disappointment to find out it was a crayfish protected area.
(Don't ask me what is under my shirt)

Someone noticed this advice
a little too late

  Always ask Japanese tourists to take your picture.
They will scoff at your camera, but take a nice photo.
 I'm still a little bruised from my trip over Shoshone Falls on an inner tube, but what a ride baby, what a ride!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

On the Road Again

Road trip continued...

Sometimes when you camp in the dark you wake up next to a garbage dump.  Sometimes you luck out and everything still looks good in the morning.

A pond to bathe in and a goose to cook for breakfast

a jungle gym for the young uns

And a water slide that was apparently constructed as an Eagle Scout project so that the troop would be able to practice first aid and life saving skills on anyone crazy enough to ride it
Sliders must wear helmets and protective clothing.  
Management not responsible for slivers in the buttocks.  
No one under the age of 12 or over the age of total cluelessness allowed.

If your heart does a C-stop (cardiac arrest) while consuming C-Stop Pizza,
how convenient to have oxygen available right next door to revive you!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Where in the World is La la larainy

There is nothing like a road trip to bring the family together

Oh, alright, now you just simmer down. 
Because you are jumping up and down and begging with that 
 woebegone lost puppy look in your eyes, 
the look I can't resist, 
I am going to bring you along for glimpses of the best vacation ever.

The children are spellbound during lengthy retelling of stories from my childhood about the time I almost died choking on a hotdog and where I got each of my scars

Designer sunglasses are available at fine gas stations throughout our route
We watch an act of kindness as man buys a sandwich and drink for a homeless stranger

By sheer luck and the forces of karma/serendipity doo, 
we are forced to slow down our hurry scurry toward our destination and breathe the desert air, 
look at lizards, 
and do kegels because there are no bushes for 40 miles.

 And that same forced slowdown causes a unexpected happy reunion
with my brother and his family at the crossroads of the west... be continued

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Check up with Chekov

After a checkup this month with my exceedingly experienced OB/Gyn
Dr. Privet Chekov...

He informed me that I am very healthy 
and should be able to have all the grandchildren I want!

 Dr. Privet Chekov was right!
Today I met grandchild #4 and I feel absolutely marvelous!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Driving Miss Larainy

It took some concentrated conjuring and the help of a local genie, but our youngest daughter finally was prepared to take her driver's test.

It was a tense trip to the DMV...
 ...hands glued tightly in the 10 and 2 o'clock position.

The parking lot was filled with people desperate enough to hang out with other desperate people desperate to get titles/licenses/name changes/buy/sell vehicles from Department of Motor Vehicles employees desperate to get home for the weekend.

Even the feet were desperate.                                                                                                                            

But desperate times call for desperate measures

and the girl pulled through.

Guess who's desperate to get her car back?

Thursday, July 7, 2011


Invisibility cloak to the dry cleaner?  Check
Hand carved wand that chose me revarnished?  Check
Sleeping pills to get me through til July 17th?  Check

Don't accuse me of being obsessed or I'll cast a spell on you that will make you allergic to pumpkin juice and turn your house elf into Rod Blagojevitch.  Besides, I'm not the only one in America that has been Potterized past all recognition.

Rodney is legally blind but refuses to join the rest of the Crumble family 
in wearing coordinating corrective eyewear because 
if he can't have Harry Potter spectacles 
he would rather get a seeing eye owl.

When he turned 18, Wesley added an "a" to his name and dyed his hair red, 
but his posse still refuses to call him Weasley.

When Parminda puts herself into a self-induced trance 
she inhabits an alternate reality as a large animal veterinarian 
with a specialty in dragons

Everyone said she was throwing her life away, 
but Juanita couldn't help but fall in love with Cornelius Grizzle 
when he revealed he was a closet warlock

Cedric was only 3 years old when Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone first came out, 
but thanks to Uncle Ellrod he has been fully immersed in the family wizarding ways 
and can charm the ladies with a slight lifting of a well groomed eyebrow.

Delmont taught himself to tan the skins of small animals and sew his own clothing.  
He believes that in his own small way he is following Dumbledore's wise injunction that 
 "When life hands you roadkill, make a shirt"

Larlene raised $139.79 in her 4th of July Death Eater Danceathon 
and plans to donate everything except the 79 cents to the American Cancer Society.  
(She bought a slurpee because she was dehydrated)

Nedra has worn black gloves ever since a drunk tattoo artist 
misspelled Hagrid's name when inking "Hagrud's a Hottie" around both wrists.  
Adding insult to injury, the accompanying dragon looks more like the Geico gecko.

Sharlexa rescued her dog from the Humane Society because initially 
she thought that Cutie Pie spoke Parseltongue, but it turned out to be just a regular bark. 

In spite of extensive modification, including turbo boosters that run on jet fuel, 
Cleavon has been unable to modify his roadbike into an airbike; 
with the exception of that one time when he was drunk and rode it off a bridge.

Inspired by Professor Lockhart, Arnold has dedicated his life 
to beauty over brains and form over function.  
He is confident that someday it is all going to come together 
and he will be able to move out of his mother's basement.

The Sizemores have taught little Frederick that even though he is adopted, and not a true Muggle, 
that he can still support his adopted country at least once a year.

Every member of the Hay Hollow Book Club was electrified the first time they read Harry Potter 
and they have never quite recovered.  

Beautiful photos all found  here