Thursday, November 15, 2012

Smell Like a General in Private

The U.S. news is a daily deluge of details about General David Petraeus' affair and General John Allen's scandalous, voluminous flirty emails with a Washington D.C. "socialite".  In case you don't hang around with rich folk, let me explain that a "socialite" is a woman who  -
  • socializes at parties and only drinks "lite" beverages so as to maintain an  acceptable "socialite" weight of under 120 lbs 
  • has legs and armpits completely deforested by lasers
  • requires a $1000 gown to attend a charity event raising money for naked children in third world countries

image found here

Now, as you can see, Petraeus is okay, but he is hardly the sort of Hunky Hank that would cause you to crash your shopping cart into a tower of tomato soup cans or stare without blinking until your eyelids are dried open.  In fact, the guys seems rather ordinary except for all those colorful barrettes on his uniform.

Always one to take advantage of a trend,
just in time for holiday shopping, 
 may I introduce 
Larainy's new fragrance
For times when you want to smell
like a General in Private

Betray-us is an earthy fragrance,
combining a bass note of old army rifle
with the subtle tinge of an Afghan poppy
and the pheromones of a sweaty uniform
overladen with the nostalgic waft of gunpowder residue
and a hint of cinnamon

No woman can resist it.
Just ask these two

Coming soon...camouflage pajamas!


RoeH said...

LOL! That's funnier than my duck. I want an 'in' to your brain. Because I like what goes on in there. Too funny.

Sarah said...

Oh man I laughed so loud at this. I want to buy some!

just call me jo said...

If I've been good enough, maybe Santa (aka Obama) will bring me some for Christmas. (I love the "deforested" idea. You're probably right. I'll never know for sure since I've never been and never will be a socialite.)

karen said...

Who knew that generals had groupies?

Sue said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

You are one funny woman.


Marti said...

ROFLOL, that was great!

Anna M said...

A general in private. PFFFFTTTTT! You're a genius.

Melynda and Terry, we are the Browns! said...

I just learned I weigh too much to be as socialite.......ah oh there's more. I have never worn a $1000.00 dress and I think I still have some trees, who knew being a socialite was such hard work. Wow!