Chinese take out

 I can't believe I slept in and missed the Chinese New Year. If you have ordered takeout recently, you know that we are now in the year of the Tiger  Maybe that's why I growl when I get out of bed.

 Since I am totally against the Chinese telling me what to do, even though the Chinese government has a huge red lacquered warehouse full of money and  the American government has a dusty cellar under  the Capitol full of I.O.U's to the Chinese: I have developed my own calendar.  And since I believe in democracy, not communism, you get to pick which sign you want to be born under.  

So there China!

Swan (Element - feathers)  

Fluffy, good swimmer, likes fish, squawks really loud when startled

Ghost (Element - ectoplasm)  

Sees dead people, scared of dark, hates Halloween but likes candy corn, prefers urban, high traffic areas to spooky old farmhouses in the isolated countryside next to mysterious neighbors.

 Lizard  (Element - leather)  

Tough, sinewy, prefers jerky to cheeseburgers,  gym is natural habitat, but can also be found basking in a tanning bed or on a lounge chair next to apartment pool.   

  Cockatoo (Element: hair gel)

Assymetrical, sassy, noisy, can be found in the basement or garage, a loner who has read the Hobbit three times, prefers Pop Tarts to toast.

King Cobra  (Element: venom)

Large head or big hair, mesmerizing eyes, often seen carrying scepter that disguises hidden knife blade dipped in deadly poison, delusions of grandeur

Pumpkin (Element: mayonnaise)

Squishy tenderness masked by debonair exterior, always wears a pinky ring and prefers boxers over briefs, can be counted on to help with the dishes

 

 Wookie (Element: chewbacca)

Burnt out rockn'roller, sleeps until 2 p.m., vows to make a comeback on graduation from rehab, hates Harrison Ford but loves Carrie Fisher

   Computer (Element: floppy disk)

Old fashioned, questionable taste, lives with mother and sleeps in twin bed in childhood bedroom, can be found only in chat rooms or in Old Country Buffet

 

Cowboy (Element: pinto beans)

Sleeps in hat, has never actually been on horse except for that Shetland pony at Suzy Gibbon's birthday party in 3rd grade, holds up Wranglers with a bullriding championship belt buckle purchased on ebay. 

All photos lifted from sexy people