I'm so relieved that Ernest Borgnine is dead.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's was really a nice old guy. But I possess an unhealthy conceit in my ability to be able to tell you who is alive and who is dead. Ernest has been the monkey wrench in my excellent accuracy average for
about 20 years. I mean seriously, how could the man hang on so long?
He looked 45 when he was 20 and has looked 105 for the last 30 years.
Old Ernie has been driving me as crazy as a monkey on a trike.
I am an excellent resource for the breathing/nonbreathing capabilities of a long list of of semi celebrities. You know, the kind that create dangerous brain blips whenever you try to come up with their name. According to Wikipedia, whenever your brain blips it wipes out the equivalent of one week of algebra class or 4 days of Conversational Spanish.
Just to prove how astute I am, here is a representative sample to demonstrate my prowess.
C. Everett Koop
ALIVE!!!
Currently taken over for Colonel Sanders as spokesman for Kentucky Fried Chicken. Has mounted a rigorous campaign to "unkoop" chickens and turn them loose on the "free range"
Larry "Bud" Melman
DEAD!!!
Currently residing in heaven and trying to earn his wings by convincing David Letterman to become a Republican
Abe Vigoda
ALIVE!!!
Only a trained professional can evaluate this one.
Last sighted in Addam's Family films,
appearing as "Uncle Fester"
Rest in peace Ernest.
You have kept me humble for 50 years.
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