Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I've Got Teeth, I Want Something Else For Christmas

I have had a flood of emails, voice messages and texts from faithful Larainy readers wondering what in the whole wide world I would like for Christmas this year.  Okay, so that isn't really true but some of you just might be needing a gentle nudge in the right direction. 

Since I am incapable of gentle nudges, I am hereby declaring what I DON'T want for Christmas.

Precious fiveheads (a size larger than foreheads) 
preserved in porcelain

Another bacon ornament

Anything by Thomas Kinkade: Painter of Trite
(Did you know that when Thomas died 
and went to heaven he was disappointed?)
 Eau de Sea Turtle Parfum

 Eyebrow extensions

 This weeks Groupon deals, including
86% off colon hydrotherapy

if you can get your hands on this little beauty,
you will be my friend for life.  

Nothing brings Christmas cheer like
Lorne Greene crooning "Merry Christmas Neighbor"
in a leather vest and cowboy hat

Ahhhhh! I love the smell of the Ponderosa in winter!



Peggy said...

"Painter of Trite"! I love it!

Connie said...

OOPS! Looks like I need to make some returns, hopefully the lines won't be too long. Would a velvet painting of Elvis suffice?

just call me jo said...

Are you sure that Thomas Kincaid actually went to heaven? (There I go judging again. I'm bad at that.)You, my friend, are a bit nutty, but I do like you a lot.

Melynda@Scratch Made Food! said...

Since bacon is out, how about a pickle for the tree?

Robyn said...

OK this post was so funny I lost my comment LOL!

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Ahhh...I love the smell of the Ponderosa anytime! Hubby and I even visited during our honeymoon in Tahoe. :) Your take on TK is hilarious. And probably true!

RoeH said...

Thomas Kincaid? Was I the only one in the world who didn't like his paintings? Weren't they just a tad too much? Maybe he went south. (hopehope)

I'm a badddd girl.

Unknown said...

I'll take one of each of those too...with a side of bacon.

Pondside said...

No eyebrow extensions?...even if they come with a jar of bacon grease eyebrow fixative???

Sharon Leavy said...

I like Kinkade but I HATE THOSE ORNAMENTAL CHILDREN. It is enough to have to clean up the dust my actual living child makes without having to clean those dust-magnet-THINGS. I especially hate the mini bride/groom ones, they are CHILDREN.

Susan Anderson said...

These are some excellent things NOT to want.