Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Kate Plus Eight Minus Seven: Mothering Advice

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Excitement is mounting as Kate's baby bump has grown into a lump and very soon will emerge as a plump little royal waving a sterling silver rattle.

Dear reader, as you well know, Larainy has given valuable insight and advice concerning the royal family.  I look on it as my way of healing old wounds inflicted during the Revolutionary War.  Most of those wounds are pretty well healed, but are currently in the horribly itchy stage which can drive you absolutely bonkers.

So, as a soothing world-peace-anti-itch balm, I give my valuable "experienced mother" advice to young Kate and her husband, semi-young William.


  1. You probably can't go more wrong in the naming department than Uncle Andrew's girls, Beatrice and Eugenie, who have spent their whole lives searching for hats that matched their outrageous old fashioned monikers.  But stay away from 
Havalda
Yedda
Wyber
Wilbert
Gytherd 
Ewart
and
Fartley
 as they have all been dubbed by Prince Harry as reserve names for his royal progeny, should he ever settle down.

2. Take Queen Elizabeth's mothering advice with a grain of salt. She is ahem getting on in years and we've come a long way since a brimming spoonful of castor oil cured every childhood ill.  Also, ignore her advice about leaches as a thumbsucking deterrent.

3.  If you have a boy,  your father in law, Charles will try to pass down a trunk full of his old dresses.  Stand firm and tell him that your son is going to wear pants.  He will tear up and talk about kilts and tough Scottish warriors, but stand your ground.  Little Will Jr., will be laughed off the playground wearing those lacy hand me downs.
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Good luck kids, you're going to need it.