Larainy, Where Art Thou?

So sorry to concern all you dear Larainy readers who have been worried 

about my long, unexplained absence. 

 First of all I need to put to rest some wild internet rumors.

a.  A golf ball size chunk of meteor from Russia ricocheted off an unnamed peak in the Ural Mountains, pinged skyward into a satellite where it zinged off back through our atmosphere and knocked Larainy off her bike while she was riding around the block spying on the neighbors.






b.  Larainy was on the red carpet at the Oscars taking photos and making notes so she could make herself feel better by belittling beautiful starlets in outrageously expensive designer gowns when she caught sight of Hugh Jackman, forgot to breathe and spilled her cherry Icee on George Clooney after which, was beat to a quivering pulp by the Cloonsters date/bodyguard, who proved she can body slam while wearing Dior









c.  Due to the "sequester", Larainy's daily ration of government cheese has been severely cut back and she is too weak to write.

d.  The outrageous ending to Downton Abby, season three sent Larainy on a wild journey to find and throttle Julian Fellows and when that proved too difficult, sent her to bed with a malady called "Downton Depression" which is treatable only by a Maggie Smith movie marathon , 4 lbs. of butter cookies and a bone china tea cup full of Earl Gray.

 The truth is much more outrageous.

a.  I had the flu for two weeks, coughed up a lung, stuffed it back down through that tube thingy that goes down the middle of my neck, coughed up the other lung, rinse, repeat.

b.  I have been working on my novel, feverishly revising, slashing, burning, fine tuning and communing with my characters. You can't wait to read it!

c. I had a small chunk of precious Larainy-part removed for study under a microscope to make sure it wasn't toxic.  Had it been toxic I would have been able to take this blog a whole different direction with brave posts about my hair falling out and radiation.  I would have been courageous, humble and witty throughout the whole ordeal, but turns out I don't have the big "C" after all so this blog is going to keep going the same direction it always has...straight downhill.

Which is exactly the direction I went hiking with both my lovely daughters.

Dream: Sanitized for your Protection

A troubled reader named Melissa has cried out for help. She keeps having the same dream and thinks that maybe I will be able to be of assistance.


Well, as you know I am quite modest, and don’t like to toot my own horn (except while driving amongst snowbirds) but I am actually quite adroit at dream interpretation. So I’ll be happy to give it a go.


Our dreamer is surfing an ocean wave in a yellow wetsuit when she sees Hugh Jackman paddling toward her in a kayak. She frantically tries to swim away, but the sideburned dreamboat paddles swiftly, drawing ever closer. Suddenly, he reaches out to grab her foot. As Hugh’s wolverine claw closes around her vulnerable ankle, a giant squid shoots a rubbery tentacle around Hugh and his little kayak, sucking him underwater in a cloud of black ink.


Well, this is an easy one.


Surfing in the ocean represents surfing the internet. The fact that you are wearing a yellow wetsuit represents your desire to protect yourself from the undesirable influences found in the world wide web. This speaks so admirably of your good character Melissa!


You are wearing yellow because you know you look fabulous in it, and you are extremely vain.


Hugh Jackman represents animals with rabies. This dream is a warning. Your computer keyboard is harboring a rabies virus. When is the last time you sanitized it? If you swab between the keys and look at a sample under a microscope you will probably puke.



The giant squid squirting black ink represents the stream of sanitizing disinfectant that you will need if you are to escape the rabies germs swarming your keyboard.


As I see it you have two choices:


1. Disinfect that filthy keyboard

Or

2. Keep gambling and with rabies and continue to dream about Hugh Jackman


The choice is up to you.