Monday, March 4, 2013

Larainy, Where Art Thou?

So sorry to concern all you dear Larainy readers who have been worried 
about my long, unexplained absence. 
 First of all I need to put to rest some wild internet rumors.

a.  A golf ball size chunk of meteor from Russia ricocheted off an unnamed peak in the Ural Mountains, pinged skyward into a satellite where it zinged off back through our atmosphere and knocked Larainy off her bike while she was riding around the block spying on the neighbors.

b.  Larainy was on the red carpet at the Oscars taking photos and making notes so she could make herself feel better by belittling beautiful starlets in outrageously expensive designer gowns when she caught sight of Hugh Jackman, forgot to breathe and spilled her cherry Icee on George Clooney after which, was beat to a quivering pulp by the Cloonsters date/bodyguard, who proved she can body slam while wearing Dior

c.  Due to the "sequester", Larainy's daily ration of government cheese has been severely cut back and she is too weak to write.

d.  The outrageous ending to Downton Abby, season three sent Larainy on a wild journey to find and throttle Julian Fellows and when that proved too difficult, sent her to bed with a malady called "Downton Depression" which is treatable only by a Maggie Smith movie marathon , 4 lbs. of butter cookies and a bone china tea cup full of Earl Gray.

 The truth is much more outrageous.

a.  I had the flu for two weeks, coughed up a lung, stuffed it back down through that tube thingy that goes down the middle of my neck, coughed up the other lung, rinse, repeat.

b.  I have been working on my novel, feverishly revising, slashing, burning, fine tuning and communing with my characters. You can't wait to read it!

c. I had a small chunk of precious Larainy-part removed for study under a microscope to make sure it wasn't toxic.  Had it been toxic I would have been able to take this blog a whole different direction with brave posts about my hair falling out and radiation.  I would have been courageous, humble and witty throughout the whole ordeal, but turns out I don't have the big "C" after all so this blog is going to keep going the same direction it always has...straight downhill.

Which is exactly the direction I went hiking with both my lovely daughters.

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