Called on the Red Carpet

Larainy knows that many of her dear readers missed the recent MTV VMA show  because sophisticated types like you are not the kind of people that would waste an evening plunked on a worn recliner drinking pop, eating Ritz crackers from the box  and pinching crumbs and salt granules off your chest for hours while watching a bunch of outrageously paid oddities prance around.

You dear reader, were probably 

• Writing a letter to your Congressman with a 12 point plan to solve the national debt, or

• Finding a cancer cure in your garage workshop with the chemistry set you got in 8th grade, or

• Perched in the top branch of that big tree in your yard wearing camouflage gear and sweeping the neighborhood with your high powered binoculars to prevent criminal mischief

 So, in the interest of keeping you current on the culture, Larainy will present a sampling of what you missed.

Nicki Manaj demonstrated her uncanny magnetism to plastic by wearing every toy in her treasured childhood toybox, including a jumbo sized play bandaid across her lips

Justin Beiber, in an embarrassing red carpet moment, revealed a complete inability to speak parseltongue, leaving his pet snake humiliated and unable to respond to reporters questions

The Game (Yes, you heard me.  His name is "The Game") multi-tasked by changing the oil of his tricked out Hummer in the parking lot and still had time to saunter on to the red carpet and flash the inspirational hand symbol denoting a desire for world peace

Deena Cortese showed off the dress she made in her summer crafts class sponsored by the New Jersey Public Library.  The dress is constructed entirely of recycled plastic leis fished from the dumpster behind the Elk's Lodge after the annual B.P.O.E. Hawaiian luau fundraiser

Taylor Lautner revealed for the first time that his roots are French, not Native American and that his first cousin is another famous actor,  Pepe LePew

Kreayshawn, in a touching tribute to her beloved Nana, wore her late grandmother's mall hair, cascading in raven black waves down her heavily cartooned back

JoJo, in keeping with her recent community service sentence, carried a dozen trash bags with her into the awards ceremony, and picked up garbage into the wee hours after the glamorous event concluded

Destinee and Paris left Malibu Ken and Regular Ken at home in the Barbie Dream House and walked in together on their bendable lifelike legs

Katy Perry signaled a plea for help with the internationally recognized fuschia hair signal of distress...the signal that silently screams "Please, will somebody rescue me from this greasy Rasputin look-a-like that I accidentally married

Lovely little Selena Gomez didn't let the fact that rats had nibbled away the front of her dress keep her from attending.  She grabbed her rat-trap clutch, strapped on her sonic wave pest-be-gone bracelet and smiled, smiled smiled

All photos found here