Monday, August 29, 2011

Called on the Red Carpet

Larainy knows that many of her dear readers missed the recent MTV VMA show  because sophisticated types like you are not the kind of people that would waste an evening plunked on a worn recliner drinking pop, eating Ritz crackers from the box  and pinching crumbs and salt granules off your chest for hours while watching a bunch of outrageously paid oddities prance around.

You dear reader, were probably 
  • Writing a letter to your Congressman with a 12 point plan to solve the national debt, or
  • Finding a cancer cure in your garage workshop with the chemistry set you got in 8th grade, or
  • Perched in the top branch of that big tree in your yard wearing camouflage gear and sweeping the neighborhood with your high powered binoculars to prevent criminal mischief
 So, in the interest of keeping you current on the culture, Larainy will present a sampling of what you missed.

Nicki Manaj demonstrated her uncanny magnetism to plastic by wearing every toy in her treasured childhood toybox, including a jumbo sized play bandaid across her lips

Justin Beiber, in an embarrassing red carpet moment, revealed a complete inability to speak parseltongue, leaving his pet snake humiliated and unable to respond to reporters questions

The Game (Yes, you heard me.  His name is "The Game") multi-tasked by changing the oil of his tricked out Hummer in the parking lot and still had time to saunter on to the red carpet and flash the inspirational hand symbol denoting a desire for world peace

Deena Cortese showed off the dress she made in her summer crafts class sponsored by the New Jersey Public Library.  The dress is constructed entirely of recycled plastic leis fished from the dumpster behind the Elk's Lodge after the annual B.P.O.E. Hawaiian luau fundraiser

Taylor Lautner revealed for the first time that his roots are French, not Native American and that his first cousin is another famous actor,  Pepe LePew

Kreayshawn, in a touching tribute to her beloved Nana, wore her late grandmother's mall hair, cascading in raven black waves down her heavily cartooned back

JoJo, in keeping with her recent community service sentence, carried a dozen trash bags with her into the awards ceremony, and picked up garbage into the wee hours after the glamorous event concluded

Destinee and Paris left Malibu Ken and Regular Ken at home in the Barbie Dream House and walked in together on their bendable lifelike legs

Katy Perry signaled a plea for help with the internationally recognized fuschia hair signal of distress...the signal that silently screams "Please, will somebody rescue me from this greasy Rasputin look-a-like that I accidentally married

Lovely little Selena Gomez didn't let the fact that rats had nibbled away the front of her dress keep her from attending.  She grabbed her rat-trap clutch, strapped on her sonic wave pest-be-gone bracelet and smiled, smiled smiled

All photos found here


Connie said...

Oh no, you mean I missed all that? What was I thinking volunteering at the red cross filling sand bags for the northeast. Dang it anyway!

just call me jo said...

There was also that Beyonce moment of the tummy bump, Lady Gaga as her alter ego guy (I forgot "his" name), and her/him falling off the piano. I love the parcel tongue and Rasputen references. (I'm sure those aren't spelled right either. I'm tired tonight 'cause I stayed up watching--hahaha)

Laraine Eddington said...

I'm curious Holly, did you eat any Ritz crackers?

karen said...

I'm embarrassed to say I don't even know who half of those people are... And I was probably asleep, drooling on my pillow.

Laraine Eddington said...

Watching the show is not a requirement for making fun of the participants.

Sarah said...

hehe rats.

Dixie Mom said...

Thanks for the update...sorry I missed that one but I was busy catching up on the Real Housewives that night.

Pondside said...

I don't know what the show was, but I'm sure I got the gist of if from your post - you've done an international community service!

Sue said...

I liked Beyonce's song and her "announcement."


Holly said...

For your information, it was Melba toast and avocado/sun dried tomato hummus. Let's not be crass!

JEFritz said...

I think you're review might just be the best part of the MTV awards.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

So sorry to have missed it! If only I hadn't been so busy developing a fruit-based scrub capable of eliminating athlete's foot and preventing colon polyps both at the same time. Thank goodness you shared the highlights! :)

('ve kind of scared me. First, because I'm so out of touch; and second, because after seeing your photo gallery, I want to stay that way!)

Nick said...

No, I did watch - through binoculars on my neighbor's TV in her bedroom.

Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

Too funny! No, I wasn't doing anything so grand ... most likely I was watching baseball and drinking wine, lol.

Thanks so much for stopping by to say hi!

Kathy M.

Cherie said...

And to think that my parents used to think the music stars I liked looked weird!!

Su said...

I have to admire Ms. Manaj for promoting a style that more celebs should try-- the bandaid across the mouth. The world might be a happier place, and it would certainly be a quieter one, if she could get them all doing it.

Michelle Teacress said...

Hey, there's an Elk's lodge behind my house. I wonder if I can recycle so leis to make a jacket for my doxie. :)

Vero said...

LOL! this is too funny LOL! You are the best.