The Road Not Taken

When my mind wanders back to my youth, I sometimes heave a sigh for the many roads I left untraveled.  Sometimes this was due to lack of gas money, other times it was due to my poor sense of direction.  But every year when I plop on the couch with a tower of oreos and a glass of skim milk to watch the Miss America Pageant, I heave an especially poignant sigh over that unexplored runway of possibility.

I had the dress

I had the shoes

I had the hat







I had the platform

Preserve Endanger Species Today

(P.E.S.T.)

I had the talent 

Cheese ball juggling

And I had the acceptance speech

...and I'd like to thank my mother, who gave me my first Barbie, and my brothers who taught my Barbie survival skills by making her a parachute and throwing her off the barn into the cow manure, where she taught me a valuable lesson about enduring adversity...

The only thing I lacked was adequate sponsorship.  Oh sure I had the usual small town lineup; Western Auto Hardware ($50.00), Fernie's Dairy Freeze ($30.00 and free french fries), Les Ballard's Garage (1 free oil change), Eastside Pigs  (50.00 and a side of bacon), The Beefmaster Cattle Ranch (an orphan calf to raise and sell), and Aunt Augusta ($10.00 and a pack of raisins).  But it just wasn't enough.

I'm just going to have to live with the regrets.