I had the dress
I had the shoes
I had the hat
I had the platform
Preserve Endanger Species Today
I had the talent
Cheese ball juggling
And I had the acceptance speech
...and I'd like to thank my mother, who gave me my first Barbie, and my brothers who taught my Barbie survival skills by making her a parachute and throwing her off the barn into the cow manure, where she taught me a valuable lesson about enduring adversity...
The only thing I lacked was adequate sponsorship. Oh sure I had the usual small town lineup; Western Auto Hardware ($50.00), Fernie's Dairy Freeze ($30.00 and free french fries), Les Ballard's Garage (1 free oil change), Eastside Pigs (50.00 and a side of bacon), The Beefmaster Cattle Ranch (an orphan calf to raise and sell), and Aunt Augusta ($10.00 and a pack of raisins). But it just wasn't enough.
I'm just going to have to live with the regrets.