Friday, July 23, 2010

The Road Not Taken

When my mind wanders back to my youth, I sometimes heave a sigh for the many roads I left untraveled.  Sometimes this was due to lack of gas money, other times it was due to my poor sense of direction.  But every year when I plop on the couch with a tower of oreos and a glass of skim milk to watch the Miss America Pageant, I heave an especially poignant sigh over that unexplored runway of possibility.

I had the dress

I had the shoes

I had the hat

I had the platform

Preserve Endanger Species Today

I had the talent 

Cheese ball juggling

And I had the acceptance speech

...and I'd like to thank my mother, who gave me my first Barbie, and my brothers who taught my Barbie survival skills by making her a parachute and throwing her off the barn into the cow manure, where she taught me a valuable lesson about enduring adversity...

The only thing I lacked was adequate sponsorship.  Oh sure I had the usual small town lineup; Western Auto Hardware ($50.00), Fernie's Dairy Freeze ($30.00 and free french fries), Les Ballard's Garage (1 free oil change), Eastside Pigs  (50.00 and a side of bacon), The Beefmaster Cattle Ranch (an orphan calf to raise and sell), and Aunt Augusta ($10.00 and a pack of raisins).  But it just wasn't enough.

I'm just going to have to live with the regrets.



Aaron said...

Oh Laraine, You've done it again. And by "it" I mean caused me to seriously consider investing in some mid-sized depens... because every time i read your blog i laugh so hard that.... well, you get the picture. I have been sharing your blog with my mom and I've come to find out something EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: we are cousins! Yes, I am a Flake... At least my grandma was. I feel extremely blessed to be related to someone as talented as you!
Aaron Hatch

Pondside said...

I had the shoes too - the exact shoes - but alas, none of the other necessities, including the hair and the height. There was never a real call for a short girls with a large nose.

Cherie said...

The shoes are to die for - Be Happy! Ha ha
I know you would have won!!!

Joanne Fox said...

If you had taken that road maybe you wouldn't have the time to entertain us with your blog. Be happy!

Mr Monkey said...

I love the Barbie& parachute. That was a very funny blog.
Mr Monkey

Jen West said...

Everyone need humor in their life. Some days, you are all I get. Thanks!

Amy said...

Didn't Aunt Augusta at least give you a piece of ancient hard candy too?

Celeste Dana said...

You could have juggled to some of Aunt Gusta's old records too. That would have definitely put you over the top!