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Friday, July 23, 2010

The Road Not Taken

When my mind wanders back to my youth, I sometimes heave a sigh for the many roads I left untraveled.  Sometimes this was due to lack of gas money, other times it was due to my poor sense of direction.  But every year when I plop on the couch with a tower of oreos and a glass of skim milk to watch the Miss America Pageant, I heave an especially poignant sigh over that unexplored runway of possibility.







I had the dress



















I had the shoes











I had the hat







I had the platform

Preserve Endanger Species Today
(P.E.S.T.)



I had the talent 

Cheese ball juggling

And I had the acceptance speech

...and I'd like to thank my mother, who gave me my first Barbie, and my brothers who taught my Barbie survival skills by making her a parachute and throwing her off the barn into the cow manure, where she taught me a valuable lesson about enduring adversity...

The only thing I lacked was adequate sponsorship.  Oh sure I had the usual small town lineup; Western Auto Hardware ($50.00), Fernie's Dairy Freeze ($30.00 and free french fries), Les Ballard's Garage (1 free oil change), Eastside Pigs  (50.00 and a side of bacon), The Beefmaster Cattle Ranch (an orphan calf to raise and sell), and Aunt Augusta ($10.00 and a pack of raisins).  But it just wasn't enough.

I'm just going to have to live with the regrets.






                                       

8 comments:

Aaron said...

Oh Laraine, You've done it again. And by "it" I mean caused me to seriously consider investing in some mid-sized depens... because every time i read your blog i laugh so hard that.... well, you get the picture. I have been sharing your blog with my mom and I've come to find out something EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: we are cousins! Yes, I am a Flake... At least my grandma was. I feel extremely blessed to be related to someone as talented as you!
Aaron Hatch

Pondside said...

I had the shoes too - the exact shoes - but alas, none of the other necessities, including the hair and the height. There was never a real call for a short girls with a large nose.

CB said...

The shoes are to die for - Be Happy! Ha ha
I know you would have won!!!

joanne fox said...

If you had taken that road maybe you wouldn't have the time to entertain us with your blog. Be happy!

Shawn said...

I love the Barbie& parachute. That was a very funny blog.
Mr Monkey

Jen West said...

Everyone need humor in their life. Some days, you are all I get. Thanks!

Amy said...

Didn't Aunt Augusta at least give you a piece of ancient hard candy too?

Celeste Dana said...

You could have juggled to some of Aunt Gusta's old records too. That would have definitely put you over the top!