Barbs from Bill

 A few years ago the husband and I had a jolly good time clomping around the mother country for a couple of weeks.

We went from south

                     to north

 and back again...

through Stratford on Avon* which is the home of the bard, alias William Shakespeare.  

(Don't worry, bard is not a cuss word in England like it is in America.)

*Also the place where all Avon ladies are required to be born in tudor style thatched cottages

You can go inside Shakespeare's boyhood home and see the lack of television that was responsible for turning little Billy into a loquacious genius.  What I mean is, you can actually go inside if you are willing to pay a goodly number of £'s.  I'm sure you know that £'s are pronounced "pounds" and Americans have fun spending "pounds" because we feel like we are losing weight with every purchase.

By the time we made it to Billy's boyhood home, the husband and I had already shed so many £s we were mere shadows of our former selves.  So we skipped the house and toured the free historical gift shop which is where I found a great treasure - Shakespeare's finest insults compiled into refrigerator magnets.  Now, if you are going to spend your last  £, can you think of any more worthy purchase?

Bolting-hutch of

Beastliness

Out, you

green-sickness

Carrion!

The tartness of

   his face sours

ripe grapes

Your breath

         first kindled

the dead coals of wars

           Thou

crusty batch

of nature

She is spherical

Like a globe.  I could find out countries in her

Thou smell of

mountain  goat

…cream faced loon

Scratching could not make it worse…such a face as yours

Thou elvish-mark’d,

           abortive,

rooting hog

Now dear reader, the next time a cream-faced loon cuts you off in traffic, 
you can whip out an anglo saxon insult for the entertainment of your carpool.   
BRILLIANT!