Friday, January 21, 2011

Barbs from Bill

 A few years ago the husband and I had a jolly good time clomping around the mother country for a couple of weeks.

We went from south

                     to north

 and back again...

through Stratford on Avon* which is the home of the bard, alias William Shakespeare.  
(Don't worry, bard is not a cuss word in England like it is in America.)
*Also the place where all Avon ladies are required to be born in tudor style thatched cottages

You can go inside Shakespeare's boyhood home and see the lack of television that was responsible for turning little Billy into a loquacious genius.  What I mean is, you can actually go inside if you are willing to pay a goodly number of £'s.  I'm sure you know that £'s are pronounced "pounds" and Americans have fun spending "pounds" because we feel like we are losing weight with every purchase.

By the time we made it to Billy's boyhood home, the husband and I had already shed so many £s we were mere shadows of our former selves.  So we skipped the house and toured the free historical gift shop which is where I found a great treasure - Shakespeare's finest insults compiled into refrigerator magnets.  Now, if you are going to spend your last  £, can you think of any more worthy purchase?

Bolting-hutch of

Out, you

The tartness of
   his face sours
ripe grapes

Your breath
         first kindled
the dead coals of wars

crusty batch
of nature

She is spherical
Like a globe.  I could find out countries in her

Thou smell of
mountain  goat

…cream faced loon

Scratching could not make it worse…such a face as yours

Thou elvish-mark’d,
rooting hog

Now dear reader, the next time a cream-faced loon cuts you off in traffic, 
you can whip out an anglo saxon insult for the entertainment of your carpool.   


Hoosier at Heart said...

Bard is a cuss word? Really? Tell me what it means so I can start using it immediately.

karen said...

I hope no one ever calls me an abortive rooting hog. Because I am becoming spherical...

Sue said...

I'll bet Billy could find whole continents in me!


Cindy said...

You got another giggle out of me today. Is Bard really a cuss word? Hmmm, I need to look that up. I might want to use it. Thanks for the giggle!!

Missy said...

This is one of the funniest things I have read in a while. lol Just remember to yell these with a British accent when you use them.

Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

I bet your husband has so much fun traveling with you; you must crack him up, even when you are not yelling out English insults. You sure do make me laugh, Laraine. :>)

We went to London Bridge in AZ or wherever it is now, about 5 years ago ... but it was in Jan. and most of the cool stuff was closed.

Thanks for the chuckle, and have a wonderful weekend!


MT said...

I'll have to write these down. I'm always looking for something good to say to those crazy Utah drivers. ;)

Su said...

Those are beyond fabulous. I guess they should be, since they were written by a genius.

joanne fox said...

What a shame I did not know you then as Stratford is only half an hour from me. I could have brought you a flask of tea and a hearty picnic in order to save you parting with so many pounds!