Monday, January 17, 2011

The Pageant and the Rodent



Shame, shame and double shame if you forgot to do your part for world peace and neglected to watch the Miss America pageant on Saturday night.  If we are plunged into WWIII this week I am going to be pointing the righteous trembling finger of rage at you.

The daughter and I celebrated the big event with our traditional Miss America cuisine; Hershey syrup right out of the bottle, BBQ pork rinds, Lil' Smokies and a hunk of cheese.  Nothing makes me hungry like watching fifty emaciated women prancing around in their skimpies with vaseline on their teeth.




Of course, the husband considers the pageant an affront to his manliness and responded by fanning his hunter/gatherer side to life with an assault on predators in the backyard.


Earlier in the day he found several hollowed out oranges hanging on our tree.  There was only one possibility…
Roof Rats!!!
Oh knock it off dear reader, I can sense your hoity toity thoughts and delicate sniff of disdain.  You think that anyone who eats Lil' Smokies deserves rats don't you?  Well I'll have you know that roof rats slither wherever they find citrus hanging ripe and luscious, and they don't care if it is in a yard littered with auto parts, or in a 40 acre manicured estate.

So, while the daughter and I watched Miss Iowa introduce herself to America by saying "From the state leading in Ethanol production, my state gives you gas!" the husband set his trap in the tree branches.

 image found here
While the daughter and I were wiping away tears of admiration as Miss Arkansas performed a stirring number involving a shiny red jumpsuit, blinding teeth and two yodeling dummies, a stealthy rat was creeping to his doom.


 image found here
 Miss Nebraska won

 The rat lost

15 comments:

just call me jo said...

I've heard about roof rats and can't say I'm jealous that we don't have them (yet.) I've heard they love to live in bouganvillas so we tore those out. (They were messy, thorny things any way.) And so far we have no hollowed out fruit though we only had two oranges on our little tree. Do roof rats eat lemons? If so they have not found us yet. Keep your fingers crossed. I love you and daughter's ritual for watching the Miss A contest. I used to watch it all the time, but some how got out of the loop. That rat is UGLY!

Hoosier at Heart said...

Darn the roof rats. He had it comin! I think you get them more on the east side than we do. I don't know why that is. Maybe Peoria fruit is not rat worthy.

Cindy said...

Maybe that will teach all the other roof rats to leave the fruit alone. I have heard of them here is our city, just haven't encountered any yet. Another great post!! Thanks!!

Nicole MacDonald said...

*lol* sounds like quite the evening! Is funny how skinny women make you want to eat, had the same thought yesterday when I saw a pic of Megan Fox on the red carpet yesterday - bones are not sexy!!

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Sarah said...

That was just plain creepy. Except for your super cute daughter and the Hersheys.

LKP said...

ha ha ha ah ha ha ah ah ha ah ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
serves the rat right!
and miss nebraska, i guess. :)

Marti said...

Eww! I thought you were going to show a squirrel. I had never heard of roof rats before, and kind of wish I didn't know now.

Sooooo, when are you doing your Golden Globe review?

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Holy cow. You've made me hungry and nauseous all at the same time. And I'm laughing so hard any Hershey's I ingest will probably come out my nose. Rats. Ugh! The closest we came to rodent takeover was a family of squirrels in the attack. We settled amicably and they retreated to the trees.

Melynda said...

First off, you and your daughter need to offer a partying 101 course, cause I sure did not know about the syrup and smokies! Second, I'm not sure the rat was more offensive than the yodeling dummies and since they can't be "cured" in a trap, you might have thought about the red jumpsuit. And of course third, this is the first time I am glad I don't have citrus in my backyard.

Connie said...

Ewwwww! Nasty bugger, isn't he?

I love your daughter's beverage of choice, I'll bet it was real smooth going down.

Roof rats? Never heard of them. You can keep them please. Oppossums are bad enough.

Sue said...

I'm glad the rat lost.

Not having watched the show (How did I miss it?), I can't opine about Miss Nebraska.

;)

karen said...

Can I just say that I admire the way you all chug your Hershey's syrup. Very inspirational.

Lauren Fine said...

My roommate showed me this website today, and I thought you would appreciate some more useless, random pictures, so I'm sharing it with you! This one seemed particularly fitting for your blog, but there are a lot of great ones.

http://www.sadanduseless.com/image.php?n=918

You're welcome. :)

Lauren Fine said...

P.S. If you decide to look at the pictures, I reccommend going backwards or skipping forward to the "This doesn't make sense" pictures. A lot of the pictures after this one are kind of dumb.

MT said...

I started watching Miss America late in the intros, so I missed that memorable line. We have to admit, the woman made an unforgettable impression on our minds!