Shame, shame and double shame if you forgot to do your part for world peace and neglected to watch the Miss America pageant on Saturday night. If we are plunged into WWIII this week I am going to be pointing the righteous trembling finger of rage at you.
The daughter and I celebrated the big event with our traditional Miss America cuisine; Hershey syrup right out of the bottle, BBQ pork rinds, Lil' Smokies and a hunk of cheese. Nothing makes me hungry like watching fifty emaciated women prancing around in their skimpies with vaseline on their teeth.
Of course, the husband considers the pageant an affront to his manliness and responded by fanning his hunter/gatherer side to life with an assault on predators in the backyard.
Earlier in the day he found several hollowed out oranges hanging on our tree. There was only one possibility…
Oh knock it off dear reader, I can sense your hoity toity thoughts and delicate sniff of disdain. You think that anyone who eats Lil' Smokies deserves rats don't you? Well I'll have you know that roof rats slither wherever they find citrus hanging ripe and luscious, and they don't care if it is in a yard littered with auto parts, or in a 40 acre manicured estate.
So, while the daughter and I watched Miss Iowa introduce herself to America by saying "From the state leading in Ethanol production, my state gives you gas!" the husband set his trap in the tree branches.
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While the daughter and I were wiping away tears of admiration as Miss Arkansas performed a stirring number involving a shiny red jumpsuit, blinding teeth and two yodeling dummies, a stealthy rat was creeping to his doom.
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Miss Nebraska won
The rat lost