Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Save That Tiger Mother




 Have you heard the growling sounds coming out of this woman?  

Her name is Amy Chua and she wrote a book called "Anthem of the Tiger Mother"describing her philosophy of child rearing. A Tiger Mother keeps her fangs sharpened at all times in case her child forgets to practice her violin 4 hours a day.






I have don't have enough energy or fur to be a tiger mother. I consider myself to be a "Cricket Mother" because on the infrequent occasions when I wear pantyhose my thighs rub together, making a chirping sound that brings comfort to my children when they hear me coming down the hall.




See if you can classify yourself or your own mother in one of the following categories.




 "The Crocodile mother"  camouflages herself as a common household object, lying motionless, partially submerged, waiting to pounce on the ungrateful child who doesn't finish his greenbeans.





"The Bat Mother" comes out at night, flitting around doing laundry and watching tivoed episodes of Biggest Loser while eating Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies that she has successfully hidden from the rest of the family.


 

You can spot a "Dinosaur Mother" a mile away.  Her children are the only ones in elementary school without cell phones.  Waa waa waa.



A "Marmot Mother" feeds her children only whole grains.  Santa Claus puts sesame covered tofu in their Christmas stockings and they have been raised to think "Twinkies" are a synonym for "wedgies".  Anyone who admits to eating unorganic has to weave a yard on the family cloth project.






A "Narwhal Mother" never raises her voice because she is always equipped with a motivational tool
A "Panda Mother" is an endangered species who is rarely seen but can be read about in many blogs, (the veracity of which is questionable).  This legendary creature looks like Barbie, cooks like Rachael Ray, listens to Rush Limbaugh and NPR, knits underwear for the homeless and her children are all well adjusted models of perfection.





The "Poison Frog Mother" is the one whose kid doesn't like your kid.














The "Anteater Mother" typically wears out a vacuum every ten months.  She is rarely seen without Windex in one hand and a Mr. Clean Magic eraser in the other.  You could comfortably eat a piece of pie off her bathroom floor, but of course no one is allowed to eat anywhere but at their assigned seat at the gleaming dining room table under the sparkling chandelier.



Do you or your mother fit in any of these classifications?  
Or are you in a class by yourself?








19 comments:

Sarah said...

Awesome!

I think I fall into the croco-bat mother category!

just call me jo said...

Howler Monkey Mom is more me. I shriek and scream, scratch a lot (from nerves rather than fleas), and hang on the fence beckoning my little ones to come closer so I can pick nits from their scalps. I'm quite lovely if I do say so myself.

jen said...

I'm the dino mom. Ben has been begging begging begging. But our rule is when you're a sophomore--IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think that predates dinosaurs.

Hooseir at Heart said...

I'm the Kangaroo Mom. I held my babies close to me at all times, taking them with me everywhere I went....and then kicking them out on their 18th birthday! I wish...still one at home.

Sue said...

I have a feeling I've been all of these at one time or another!

=)

Connie said...

I would be the 'crickodile'. I think my children would all differ on their answers though... each has their own issues and that is a post for another day.

Marti said...

Dinosaur Mom here, although some of the others fit also. My kids didn't have a cell phone until high school, and even then, it was when they borrowed mine. Good thing neither of my kids blog, I'd come off as mommy dearest.

Anna M said...

BWAH HAH HA! Classic! I truly LOL'd!

For the record, I think there is a reason TIGER mothers only have one or two kids. They wouldn't be able to maintain tigress for long with three or more kids, I mean cubs.

I'd say I am bat-marmot mother with a bit of singing kakapo bird thrown in, just to ring in the sweet ears of my children.

JEFritz said...

This was hilarious and I think quite perfect. I don't have any children so I don't fall into any of these categories, but I think my mom would have to be an Elephant mother. Not because she's fat but because she never forgets. Anything.

Su said...

My mum is a dinosaur. I want to be one of those, too. :) And I've read those panda blogs and likewise find them to be of dubious origin.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Hahahahahaha!!!! I don't know which category I fall into. My kids would tell you if I let them, but it probably wouldn't end well. LOL

kate lines said...

bat-mom is where it's at... if only for the thin-mints.

The Keylors said...

ha!! I am about 3 or 4 of these combined. I may have split personalities. ha!!

Darlene said...

It would be interesting to see which category my children would put me in.....they so often see us differently than we see ourselves. Having said that, I am like Sue, I see myself a bit in all and none of them is specifc for me. If there is an animal that is overly affectionate, that would probably be me.

karen said...

I find that I remember my mommy days so differently than my kids do. They have annoying memories that are either false or I've suppressed them. Either way, I'm probably most like the bat mom. I do love me a thin mint in solitude. Or M&Ms. Or ANYTHING I don't have to share.

Melynda said...

When I really study these parenting/mothering types, I would have to say I am a Cricket Crocodile Mother. My panty hose do make that soothing swish,swish,swish right before I getcha!

Jenny Stevning said...

This is hilarious!!! I have known moms who fit all those. I am narwhal-ish with a hint of crocodile and bat.

Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

Well, my step-wife was a marmot mother, and when my stepsons were at our house they thought Top-Ramen was a treat, and they LOVED MY MEATLOAF. The oldest one said "Kathy, what is this stuff??" I wished I had made another loaf.

Farmer's Wyfe said...

Ah, thanks for the hearty laugh!! My mom is the anteater for sure...and me, well, I'm the bat! If you can see the time I'm writing this, you'll see that, obviously. But I'm heading to bed now that I've gotten the checkbook balanced and the dishes done...oh, and the last of the hidden cookies eaten. :)