Monday, January 3, 2011

Resolve It

Admit it, we're only three days into the new year and you're already standing over the sink in your sweat pants eating ice cream straight out of the tub and your eyebrows need waxing.

How does Larainy know this?  Because I, like you am a frail human whose resolve dissolved away with the first wafting scent of this delicious lemon bar. 

Ever vigilant to consume my quota of daily fruit servings, I was forced to eat 23 squares.

Am I discouraged about the resolution that already lies shattered about me in the form of delicious buttery crumbs? 

No!

And you shouldn't either, my darling reader even though in spite of your early to bed goal, you stayed up until 2:30 a.m. last night watching "Back to the Future" for the 13th time because you always had a crush on/wished you were Marty McFly
(if he were only a foot taller)  
Oh yes, I know all about the lofty list you so bravely wrote down in purple pen after staying up too late and/or consuming too many strong beverages while the new year's eve clock was tick tick ticking down.


RESOLUTION:  I will clean out the basement so my children quit nominating me for Hoarders

RESOLUTION:  Only organic food hand picked by singing environmentalists in handwoven linen will pass my lips

RESOLUTION:  Every time I am tempted to watch Jersey Shore I will instead read a chapter of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

RESOLUTION: Never again will I allow my leg hairs to grow longer than my bangs


And what is my top secret antidote to your repeated failure to achieve these lofty aspirations?
  • cut up a lemon 
  • take the dirty dishes out of the sink
  • turn on the faucet
  • turn on the garbage disposal
  • throw the lemon down into the grinding jaws of death
  • inhale until the fresh lemony fumes curl your untrimmed nasal hairs
  • rinse and repeat

Voila!
Citrus induced Amnesia
You are so very welcome 
 






    11 comments:

    just call me jo said...

    Thanks so much for the tip. I'm really hung over (and I don't even drink.) I feel sluggish and angry--Can those two emotions co-exist? Yes, I'm living proof. Happy lemon amnesia.

    Pondside said...

    Thoughtful post - I of course am already engaged in much of what you list - the organic food, Marcus Aurelius on the bedside table, my house a model of 21st century efficiency. It's hard to know where I could improve. I'm thinking of giving up my backyard retreat to a group of monks, just to up the spiritual quotient by the ponds.
    How do I do it all? Last night I ate a bag of almond rocca. Great boost of energy!

    Sue said...

    Thanks for your sage counsel, oh wise one.

    (Pondside is my role model.)

    ;)

    PS. I actually did stay up till 3 AM last night reading a book that could easily have been finished today. *sigh* (the life and trials of a binge reader...)

    Chillygator said...

    Now I feel guilty about my leg hairs again )o:

    Doesn't watching Hoarders make you sort of want to clean? Obsessively? It does that to me.

    Sarah said...

    Leg hairs as long as my bangs...how did you know!!

    Love it!

    jen said...

    You may be the only person I know (besides me) that quotes Marcus Aurelius. We got acquainted my freshman BYU year, and we've been tight ever since!
    Knew we were meant to be friends.

    Lisa Ricard Claro said...

    Oh, thank GOODness! That was like a slap intended to bring a person in shock (that would be me) back to her senses. Thanks for that. But if you really loved us, you would have provided the recipe for that buttery lemon bar!

    karen said...

    You've been peeking...

    concretenprimroses said...

    All so true. but I'm totally freaked that you now about Marcus Aurelius.
    Happy New Year!
    Kathy
    Ps I'm not kidding.

    Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

    Larainy,

    First, your new masthead, banner, title thing is great.

    Second, HOW DID YOU KNOW that I had a big crush on Marty McFly? I don't even care that he is short.

    Third, I think that after you go through menopause your leg hairs don't grow as fast. But, then again, that is just based on a study of one.

    Thanks for brightening my day, as you always do.

    Happy New Year!

    Kathy

    Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

    P.S. - I am always accused of being a hoarder by my husband. However, we CAN still walk around here, so I think that I am really just a collector.

    As for the kids and their reality star suggestions, just start giving them their stuff back for Christmas...the stuff that is in the basement! If they aren't old enough for their own houses, I think you have a few more years to stall.