Rootin' Tootin' Resolutin'

Yes friends, like so many of you; I have just emerged from a cleansing fast (no vegetables, whole grains, fruits or fibers) and a 15 hour meditation (movie marathon in front of HD widescreen) and am now in the proper frame of mind to make my New Year's Resolutions.

In spite of the cleansing fast and meditation, I have been having a hard time coming up with anything that I can improve upon, so I looked to others for motivation.  Perhaps they will help you!

I will treat my sister like the angel she truly is.

 

I will force my sister to become the angel she truly isn't.

I will put the sheets in the washer, where they belong

I will allow no one to rain on my trophy parade

I will not try to solve the issues between Grandma and Aunt Sylvia

 

I will get up before 3 pm and cheerfully 

participate in family pictures

 

I will wear a shirt next time I volunteer 

as a crossing guard at the elementary school

 

I will never again bring dishonor to Smoky the Bear

Next time I will go all the way 

and wear the matching earrings

 

Next time, we will buy the eight foot couch

 

This year, 

I will go to the gym with my girlfriend

 

I will teach Arturo how to stand on his own two feet

 

I will read Twilight again until I get it right

I will limit my target practice to just one of the neighbors cats

 

I will continue little brother's education.

I will be a little less country

and a little more rock n' roll

We will give up on dating chicken farmers

 

I will give all my legal business to

kitty-totin' lawyers

 

I will not bring my baby to visit the Dollar Store Easter Bunny.