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Showing posts with label lemons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lemons. Show all posts

Monday, January 3, 2011

Resolve It

Admit it, we're only three days into the new year and you're already standing over the sink in your sweat pants eating ice cream straight out of the tub and your eyebrows need waxing.

How does Larainy know this?  Because I, like you am a frail human whose resolve dissolved away with the first wafting scent of this delicious lemon bar. 

Ever vigilant to consume my quota of daily fruit servings, I was forced to eat 23 squares.

Am I discouraged about the resolution that already lies shattered about me in the form of delicious buttery crumbs? 

No!

And you shouldn't either, my darling reader even though in spite of your early to bed goal, you stayed up until 2:30 a.m. last night watching "Back to the Future" for the 13th time because you always had a crush on/wished you were Marty McFly
(if he were only a foot taller)  
Oh yes, I know all about the lofty list you so bravely wrote down in purple pen after staying up too late and/or consuming too many strong beverages while the new year's eve clock was tick tick ticking down.


RESOLUTION:  I will clean out the basement so my children quit nominating me for Hoarders

RESOLUTION:  Only organic food hand picked by singing environmentalists in handwoven linen will pass my lips

RESOLUTION:  Every time I am tempted to watch Jersey Shore I will instead read a chapter of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

RESOLUTION: Never again will I allow my leg hairs to grow longer than my bangs


And what is my top secret antidote to your repeated failure to achieve these lofty aspirations?
  • cut up a lemon 
  • take the dirty dishes out of the sink
  • turn on the faucet
  • turn on the garbage disposal
  • throw the lemon down into the grinding jaws of death
  • inhale until the fresh lemony fumes curl your untrimmed nasal hairs
  • rinse and repeat

Voila!
Citrus induced Amnesia
You are so very welcome