NEW YORK (CBSNewYork/AP) – It seems like Donald Trump won’t be adding presidential candidate to his list of achievements after all.
After months of flirting with running for office, Trump said Monday he won’t run for president, choosing to stick with hosting “The Celebrity Apprentice" over a bid for the Republican nomination.
Well newshounds, you have come to the right place for the inside scoop. Larainy's impeccable sources have uncovered the actual deliberative process that lead The Donald to forsake the campaign trail for the fake boardroom at NBC.
The Donald
consulted his closest friend...
for advice.
The Donald: It's time old friend, it is time.
The Hair: You're not cutting me again are you? I still haven't recovered from that butchering last year.
The Donald: You have nothing to complain about. Normal not-the-donald men get their hair cut every month.
The Hair: Stop, stop, that's horrifying.
The Donald: We have to decide whether I am going to be the next President of the United States or whether I am just going remain the most powerful man in America.
The Hair: (silence)
The Donald: Speak up, tell me what you're thinking. You know how I rely on your golden gossamer strands for advice and to keep my clever brain toasty warm and supple.
The Hair: It's just that I think we have a good thing going right now. When I am crouching on your head in the boardroom of Celebrity Apprentice and feel my strands lifting in the breeze of your hot air...(sob) I have never been so happy.
The Donald: (Takes out handkerchief to wipe moistness from eyes) You're right, as usual. You always seem to help me find my priorities.
The Hair: Then you're not going to do it?
The Donald: No. I'm going to call another press conference and announce that I'm not running.
The Hair: Oh my, I better apply more hair spray so I'll glisten in the light. I love you Donald
The Donald: I love you most.
The Hair: Is this a good time to discuss the "No Helmet" clause that I want to add to our contract?
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