STOP RIGHT THERE!!!
The cheapskate in you is considering buying a 12 lb. bag of Smarties to feed the hungry Halloween hordes, but puh-leze, I'm begging here...
DON'T DO IT!!!
I am still traumatized by a childhood of trick-treating only
in my rural neighborhood of cousins and near cousins whose families were cash poor ranchers like mine. I trudged through the cold night to homes sometimes as far as a half-mile apart only to harvest a disappointing haul of chalky Smarties and
miniscule Dum Dums;
both candies that I suspected were confiscated by thrifty aunts and uncles
from their children's meager haul and recycled year after year.
Besides, Smartie consumption
is a gateway drug
to an addiction to baby aspirin.
Which is a gateway drug to
Necco wafers.
Which, when pulverized,
look just like colorful cocaine
JUST SAY NO TO SMARTIES
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