I can't believe you're up already!
Aren't you exhausted from all the inauguration festivities? Oh, you weren't invited?
Well neither was I but that is not going to keep me from giving you
the inside scoop of gossip flavored ice cream
with fibs sprinkled liberally on top.
It all started out with a bang,
specifically the ones on Michelle Obama's forehead.
Her hair received so much national press
that President Obama immediately issued
this executive order as part of his gun control initiative:
Heretofore the first lady shall be said to possess
"wisps or tendrils"
which have an unfortunate violent connotation.
Kelly Clarkson belted "My Country Tis of Thee" while the supreme court justices, led by Antonin Scalia in a Renaissance cap made of black velvet scowled appreciatively.
President and Mrs. Obama walked parts of the parade route while the secret service threw healthy candy made of tofu for the youngsters in the crowd
And finally the eventful day was capped off by the President and Mrs. Obama scurrying around to tango at as many inaugural balls as they could it too. These included:
- The Global Warming Ball , which was held outside on the Capitol Mall due to global warming
- The NRA Hootenanny Square Dance (in the spirit of bipartisanship)
- The Uncle Joe Biden Disco Sleepover
- The Windfarmers Cotillion
Today, it's back to work, so hold on to your wallet!