*dowager: a lady of advanced age who is able to use her acerbic wit to full advantage without consequences
Larainy: Countess, I'm so pleased to welcome you to Larainy Days. May I call you Violet?
Countess: Absolutely not.
Larainy: I don't suppose you are a regular reader?
Countess: Oh heavens no. I've quite enough my fill of scandal from the London papers.
Larainy: I'll show you a celebrity, and you give us your opinion, okay?
Countess: Let's get on with this shall we, I always have a lie down before tea.
"If this young lady had a proper fitting she wouldn't have to wait for her bosom to grow into her dress"
"Her hair puts me in mind of a border collie I saw working a herd of sheep in the north of England on a dreadfully windy day."
"Evening gowns are not meant to be constructed of the same fabric one uses to cover the drawing room divan."
"Now there's a tasteful gown. She is obviously not American."
"If a gentleman wants to appear manly, he should choose a lady companion that does not make him appear a dwarf."
"A fleshy arrow pointing at one's private parts is the height of bad taste."
"This gentleman's dour countenance makes it extremely obvious that this couple had a marital spat prior to arriving and that the lady won."
"In my day one used tissue paper to wrap gifts, not partially drape ones torso."
"It appears that this is another example of a couple involved in a domestic disturbance prior to the event. The gentleman seems to have strained his hair-pulling arm, but not before he did a substantial amount of damage"
Larainy: Thank you so much Countess. Be sure and watch the mail for your thank you gift, a $.50 off coupon for a crunchwrap supreme at Taco Bell.
Countess: I'll be counting the hours.