Let's start out slowly shall we? We don't want to dive in the deep end with authors like Aristotle or Tolstoi or Danielle Steele because we all know you did not eat brain food for breakfast. You ate Cocoa Puffs followed by a Diet Coke and then 3 Girl Scout Thin Mints pilfered from your hiding place in back of the tub of flax that your mother-in-law gave you to improve your family's health. You are not ready for a cerebral discussion.
Let us ease gently into the world of literature, learning from each other. I'll go first, imparting to you, dear reader, some of the gems of wisdom I obtained from classic children's books.
Saying goodnight to everything in your bedroom,
is a effective stalling technique
(Don't forget to include body parts!)
If you hire a pig as a contractor,
you have a 66.6% chance that your house won’t last a week.
- Cats are evil, especially those that walk around naked except for bow ties and tall hats.
- If you have a chemical spill, hire Thing One and Thing Two
Don't buy a motorcycle until you know if...
"she has good balance on a rough road,"
because then you will have
"a mighty fine machine"
Forget reading this one, it will give you a headache.
Go see the movie, it has Johnny Depp in it.
Sending your rotten kid to bed without supper
can lead to development of a very lucrative movie deal
Dogs are good and will protect you from wild pigs
that want to build you a house
Nothing induces wild soggy sobbing like
a dead hound dog lying on the grave of
another dead hound dog
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