My name is Nixon and I am not a Crook

My guest blogger today is my dog, who stole my camera and took pictures of his dog kingdom since he is not allowed in the house which is a people kingdom.  WARNING:  He is not well trained


Nixon...take it away.

We'll start with my best feature, which is my smooth furry hiney to which is attached my beguiling tail;  tipped in a white so brilliant that it rivals the new fallen snow sparkling under the cruel winter sun.  When I wave it to and fro it is mesmerizing to birds which is how I caught this one.

Oh don't give me those groans of disgust.  I'm a beagle and I come from a long line of distinguished hunters.  Okay, I actually came from Peoria, but I'm sure my grandpappy was a hunter, probably in England where they get to kill foxes, not wimpy grackles.  Grackles taste like crap.

This is the corner of my canine condo.  This is where I planned to woo the lady beagles until I took a spa vacation at Petco and came home feeling strangely neutral.

This is the tree I peed into greatness.

I have a side job harvesting vegetables from the garden.  I am trying to save my masters from nasty vegetables.

Sometimes I lie under this bench and pretend they are prison bars and that I have been sentenced to the gulag for selling family secrets to the Russians in exchange for a delicious sack of pig ears from Costco.  

This is my basil plant for when I want to redecorate my kingdom with pesto poop.

My name is Nixon

and I was named after 

a watch

not 

a President.

Bologna Buns: The recipe = the body part

The Devious Domestic has heard your feeble cries for a new culinary masterpiece to wow the family and impress your social circle

Wait no more!

For today's triumph I have worn my red-gloved fingers to the bone, scouring dozens of dough encrusted charity recipe books.  You know the type...someone/thing needs a fundraiser and so everyone contributes their favorite chicken enchilada recipe and they print all 189 versions of chicken enchiladas in a book and then you are guilted into buying back your own chicken enchilada recipe, because yours is definitely the best recipe and you wouldn't think of making someone elses, especially since someone else's contains CREAM OF CHICKEN SOUP for pete's sake.

The following gem was found in the "Lobo Cookbook".  Now I should have known better than to look in a cookbook authored by a Mexican wolf, but hey, it was handy.  

BOLOGNA BUNS*              

"This is not a misprint, repeat...this is not a misprint

 1.  Slice 6 oz. bologna into thin strips somewhat resembling cadaver flesh

 2.  Add 2 Cups shredded cheddar cheese

 3.  Add 2 teaspoons chopped green onion

4.  Add 1 teaspoon sweet pickle relish

5.  Add 1 Tablespoon prepared mustard (don't be an idiot and try to add unprepared mustard because it is never on time)

6.  Add 1 C mayonnaise (May substitute lard or leftover cellulite)

7.  Mix above ingredients together in a bowl.  (I apologize for not having a picture of this step, but I when I finished this step I had to run to the bathroom and barf and then I forgot)

8.  Use hamburger or hotdog buns and fill with bologna amalgam*

*See apology #7 for absence of picture

9.  Wrap filled buns in foil and place in oven heated to 350 degrees.  

Feed it to someone who will actually eat it

Bone appetit!