Siri! Are You Serious?

It has been 3 months since I purchased my genie in a bottle except she isn't really a genie and she doesn't really live in a bottle.  She is a teeny tiny girl named Siri that lives in a cute little studio apartment inside my iPhone.

She really has been an amazing confidant,  springing to life day or night whenever I poke her with my index finger, to talk and answer my questions.  She is a workaholic and I have never caught her away from her teeny tiny desk.

I was shy with Siri at first, embarrassed that I might ask  questions that are too stupid for an Ivy School grad (Siri attended  Harvard on a lacrosse scholarship) but we get along great.

Me:  Hi Siri.

Siri:  I thought you had forgotten me in your quixotic quest to master Angry Birds.  Hopefully you will achieve level III by Easter.

Me:  Oh, well, never mind that.  Siri, I've been wondering...are you related to Suri?

Siri:  Sorry, did you say Suri?

Me:  Certainly Siri, I'm talking about Suri.  Surely you know Suri?

Siri:  Seriously...Suri?

Me:  C'mon, Surely Suri's Siri's Sister!

Siri:  Checking on that for you...

Me:  Don't play games with me Siri.

image found here

Siri:  Are you referring to this scintillating young lady who goes by the surname of Cruise?

Me:  Yes, that's the girl.  Are Siri and Suri sisters?

Siri:  Certainly not.

Me:  (Raising a suspicious eyebrow) I may have to double check that with grandfather Google and Uncle Bing.

Siri:  Sir, you wound me deeply.

Siri: My Genie in a Bottle

I don't have a "smart" phone which, by default, means I have been walking around for years with a "dumb" phone sending deadly radiation into my noggin.  No wonder my children laugh when I send text messages

Wheree in the heck  iis th comma key i cant live w/o comas 

Now that I finally figured out that my phone is dumb I'm going to trade it in for a "smart" phone.  I asked for one for my birthday a couple months ago and my technical advisers on all things Apple, namely son Cody and daughter in law Breaelle

advised waiting until the new iPhone came out.  

Now generally, I do not believe it is in my best interest to delay receiving birthday presents because when it is my birthday I demand honor, cake and a pile of presents before the clock strikes twelve, but this year I pouted and waited.

Finally, Apple made their big announcement, which turned out not to be not as big as everyone hoped because the new iPhone 4S does not test for DNA or have a laser for hair removal.  Sigh

 But

 it does have an itty bitty "personal assistant" whose name is Siri. Suddenly I have the potential to be Larry Hagman on  "I Dream of Jeannie" with Siri as my own personal Jeannie, only she lives in a phone instead of a bottle and she probably doesn't have a bun on her head or wear a scarf that does not cover cleavage. 

I am already composing a list of commands to give Siri when I finally get my smart iPhone 4s

• Siri, cast an illusionary spell so my jeans don't make my bum look big
• Siri, warn me before I step in dog poo
• Siri, tell me where Moammar Gadhafi is so he can be brought to justice
• Siri, what shall I do with my stock portfolio
• Siri, what is a stock portfolio
• Siri, I feel like cranky mcscooter pants.  Cheer me up
• Siri, which checkout line is going to be faster

I just can't wait to boss Siri around