Siri! Are You Serious?

It has been 3 months since I purchased my genie in a bottle except she isn't really a genie and she doesn't really live in a bottle.  She is a teeny tiny girl named Siri that lives in a cute little studio apartment inside my iPhone.

She really has been an amazing confidant,  springing to life day or night whenever I poke her with my index finger, to talk and answer my questions.  She is a workaholic and I have never caught her away from her teeny tiny desk.

I was shy with Siri at first, embarrassed that I might ask  questions that are too stupid for an Ivy School grad (Siri attended  Harvard on a lacrosse scholarship) but we get along great.

Me:  Hi Siri.

Siri:  I thought you had forgotten me in your quixotic quest to master Angry Birds.  Hopefully you will achieve level III by Easter.

Me:  Oh, well, never mind that.  Siri, I've been wondering...are you related to Suri?

Siri:  Sorry, did you say Suri?

Me:  Certainly Siri, I'm talking about Suri.  Surely you know Suri?

Siri:  Seriously...Suri?

Me:  C'mon, Surely Suri's Siri's Sister!

Siri:  Checking on that for you...

Me:  Don't play games with me Siri.

image found here

Siri:  Are you referring to this scintillating young lady who goes by the surname of Cruise?

Me:  Yes, that's the girl.  Are Siri and Suri sisters?

Siri:  Certainly not.

Me:  (Raising a suspicious eyebrow) I may have to double check that with grandfather Google and Uncle Bing.

Siri:  Sir, you wound me deeply.

The Long Goodbye

 If your employer has any sensitivity and is not a communist sympathizer, you probably have the day off work in order to properly prepare for and view the kickoff show for the kickthebucket season of OPRAH.  Dear readers, as many of you may remember, me and "Her Oprahness" are like this  

Well, maybe we're not exactly like this because my hands are a lot more wrinkly and I've never had a manicure and I don't believe in flashing gang signs, but the point is we're very close.

And because you, dear reader, are also very close, I've decided to give you a little insider sneak peak into the coming kickthebucket/burndownthehouse/pulloutthestops very last season of Oprah.


Depending on your degree of dedication to view every life changing show of the very last season ever of all time while the universe weeps, you may or may not be viewing...

 Laugh Lessons With the Dalai Lama

How to Bring Down the House With Jokes That Feed the Soul

 Cooking Wild With Ted Nugent

Killin' and Grillin': Eating Our Environment

 

 

Ground Breaking Band:

Rodent Rage

Can Famous Producer and Celebrity-Maker David Foster Really Make Vermin

Into Pop Stars?

Burger King Unveiled

Oprah Asks the Hard Question:  Why Not Burger Queen?

Style With Suri Cruise
 
Oprah Probes Delicately To Find Out 
The Depth of Psychological Damage

Suffered by Suri Cruise

Because Of Being Forced to Wear Stylishly Coordinated Outfits
Every Day Since Birth