Tuesday, February 9, 2010

To Know Me is to Love Me

I owe you, my beloved readers a heartfelt apology. You have come back week after week, post after post and I have been avoiding writing about our favorite subject, which is….ME!

I know we have discussed vital topics such as technology, prom, romance, fashion and goats. By loyally following this blog you have received a boatload of education/knowledge. But these are meager wisps of wisdom compared to golden anecdotal nuggets from my life. Let us proceed with answering your questions.

Brilliant Blog Follower Fernando asks: You seem to slip back and forth effortlessly from English to Spanish in your writing. Where did you develop your language skills?

Thoughtful Answer: Oh Fernando, I didn’t think anyone noticed my incredible facilidad with the language! I studied Spanish 101 under la profesora buena who gave me an “A”, and ten anos later took Spanish 101 again from la profesora ridiculo who gave me a “B”! Since that time I have been furthering my language by listening to Luis Miguel and ordering at the Filiberto’s drive through. I am becoming mucho inteligente and bonito.

Brilliant Blog Follower Bob asks: Who is the most famous celebrity you have met?

Contemplative Answer: Ah, this takes me back to 1978. It was Thanksgiving Day and I was a na├»ve young college student studying for a semester at BYU-Hawaii. There I was with friends on a tour of the big island—perched atop the Waipio Valley Lookout when who should appear but the world famous and brilliant comedian/singer, Mr. Jim Nabors; also affectionately known as Gomer Pyle. While I am comfortable with royalty and all manner of greatness; I found myself speechless in the presence of this man; a man who talks like a hillbilly and sings like Pavarotti. I will never forget the moment our eyes met and my moist palm was enfolded in his manly handshake.

Brilliant Blog Follower Ingrid asks: Although I am not an American, I love the USA and wonder what you think is the greatest thing that America has to offer the world.

Erudite Answer: That would be french fries. (duh!)

Brilliant Blog Follower Cynthia Fronske-Leibowitz asks: Who is your favorite author?

Humble Answer: That would be the brilliant novelist, Rhoda Peters. Although she is currently unpublished, her potential for writing greatness is unsurpassed.


Brilliant Blog Follower Bubba asks: Who is your favorite NASCAR driver?

Angry Answer: I think it is about time that the world was rid of NASCAR. So many of you sluggish-brains have forgotten that NASCAR is an acronym, and if that isn’t bad enough, it those letters actually stand for something. N.A.S.C.A.R means something people! Good grief how can you support an organization of  
Nasty Animals Spitting Chew and Racing

But to answer your question, it's Jeff Gordon

Brilliant Blog Follower Lenny asks: If you could have one wish, what would it be?

Unselfish Answer: I would wish that all the people in the world could have a computer and high speed internet so they could read my blog, which would result in an population so educated, so happy and joyful that mean guys would put down their rocket launchers and plant gardens and bad guys in prison would quit giving each other ugly tattoos and get their G.E.D. and drug pushers would start giving hugs not drugs and the Dog Whisperer would train dogs to clean up their own poop so humans didn’t have to do it.

Anything else you need to know?


Brooklyn said...

1. If you could be a type of wood, which would you be and why?

2. Which piece of office equipment do you think is most crucial to mankind?

3. Why do car rental companies let you rent at cheap daily rates but charge outrageous one-way dropoff fees?

4. In your opinion, which body of water has contributed the most to Obama's health care plan?

5. Who's your favorite former pen-pal niece?

Jodi Hatfield said...

You are seriously hilarious. Thank you for the facebook reminders so that I can enjoy some good comedy! Love it all! and you!

Anonymous said...

You are hiiiiiiiilarious. I've been reading your blog for like, two whole days now. Your answer to what wish you would have pretty much sums up all my desires for the future as well. Pretty sure we're soul sisters!