Monday, February 22, 2010

Two-facebook: an Antisocial Network

I came up with a really great idea while watching Masterpiece Theater and eating a huge ol’ bag of kettle corn. Jane Austen movies are on Masterpiece Theater about 74.5% of the time and they make me feel an urge to be more polite and bow to people in the grocery store. Well, not really bow, just nod in slow motion while shyly allowing my lashes to close over my downcast eyes that are the color of a stormy blue sky. 


Jane Austen is the opposite of the Olympics. You would never see Jane Austen’s girls tucking their little curly heads into helmets and their bosomy highwaisted, flowing dresses into baggy snow suits to hit the half pipe. 

None of Jane’s girls would be persuaded to give up all sense and date a flying tomato before they had the sensibility to be properly introduced. Those girls have too much pride to overcome their prejudice against speed skaters with gargantuan thighs that look like permanent jodphurs.

Anyway, back to my really great idea.  I am going to start an


I am going to call it 


I plan to siphon off all the meanies that currently feel so out of place on the “social" networks. I am going to give them a place they will feel comfortable, where they can rant and rave and cuss and say bad things about all their antisocial associates.

On Two-facebook

• You won’t add “friends” you’ll add “enemies”
• Your personal information will be called “Profilers” since all information will be right out of an FBI handbook on abnormal behavior
• All photos will be in black and white
• The home page will be called “The Cellar”
• Lots of fun apps will be available to install viruses
• Find your enemies with the “Search and Destroy” feature
• You won’t “share” you will “inflict”

I’ll keep you posted. 

I’ve got to go buy another bag of kettle corn so I can figure out the rest.


Sue said...

You are one funny lady!


Emily Widdison said...

you always make my day! How do I get an account with two-facebook?

Laraine Eddington said...

Sorry Emily, you're not quite mean enough yet. You'll have to work on it.

incognito said...

Or instead of "inflict," you could "infect."

Anonymous said...

lol! Laraine... i am so glad i found your blog! You are so awesome!