Monday, March 5, 2012

Stealing Buggies in Texas

I have been dwelling for the last few days in the the exotic land of Texas.   Texas was admitted the the union in 1845 but don't tell the people that live here, because they think that Texas is actually a country and that the United States is just somewhere to stash the rest of us unfortunate  nonTexans.

I've  been spending time with my three Texas grandchildren trying to teach them proper English.


Me:  Now Zoey, please don't say "y'all".  The proper way to address your friends is  "you guys"

Zoey:  Grandma, I think you need another nap.

Liam:  Grandma, do you want to play Pass the Pigs with me?

Me:  Now Liam, do you remember how the last time we played the score was 267 to 26 and somebody had a tantrum?

Liam:  I promise I'll let you win this time Grandma.

Another Texas icon is this grocery store
(FYI, H.E.B. does not stand for Hair Ever Bigger, in spite of the prodigious poufs on Texas Beauty Pageant contestants.  
It's short for Howard E. Butt, the founder, and no I did not make that up)

I went shopping for a few things and was almost done when I remembered I needed to look for salsa in the deli so I wouldn't lose touch with my Arizona roots.  As I headed to the checkout, I noticed to my horror that the only thing in my grocery cart that was really mine was the salsa.  Somewhere along the way I had stolen someone's grocery cart.  I looked around furtively but no one was giving me the famous squinty-eyed Texas stare.  I found my cart just where I'd left it and checked out, confessing my sin to the cheerful, slightly pimply young man in a cashier's apron.  He patted me on the head and said, "Y'all aren't from around here are ya?  I bet you need a nas nap."  And then he announced over the intercom in a conciliatory tone, "If you have misplaced your cart you will find it back by the deli."

I was so rattled I forgot to buy Whoppers


Connie said...

Nothing like hanging out with grandchildren. I'll bet yours are so thrilled that you are visiting.

I am sure the name of the store is H E B because no one would be caught dead in the BUTT store. Bahahahaaa!!!

Laraine Eddington said...

The original store was founded by Howard's mother, Florence and called C.C. Butt's. I bet everyone went around saying, see y'all at Butts.

just call me jo said...

Bless your heart. A nap WILL make everything better. What part of Texas were y'all visiting.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Haha! We lived in Dallas for a year or so many moons ago, and then came to Georgia where we've been for the last 22 years. Y'all is a common phrase for us, of course. When my daughter went to college in New York she said she had to switch to "youse guys" or risk being picked on. LOL

HEB did well to run with the initials instead of full name. I'm such a 5-year-old, I'd giggle the whole time I was in "Butts Market." LOL

Sue said...

You must be such a fun(ny) grandma. I'll bet those kids LOVE to have you visit.


Sarah said...

Too bad about the whoppers :( They would have been a nice pre-nap treat.

What I really want to know is, where is my Oscar fashion review??

Grammy Goodwill said...

hahaha - love the cart story - well, actually, all of them. Thanks for the laughs,

Pondside said...

I've done that very cart thing.
Are they standard Texan daytime fare? If so, I'm moving to Texas!

Priscilla said...

When my husband was transfered to Texas, we found it as difficult to understand the natives as they did ours. Our Canadian next door neighbors' little boy asked his mommy for a nahf one night at dinner. She gently corrected him, "Knife, Dear", looked at her husband and said, " I think it is time we think about moving back home!"

karen said...

After forgetting the Whoppers, I hope you were able to indulge in a nas nap, ya'll.

Holly said...

I shop in Sun City quite often. There are a lot of cart stealers there. When you eat Whoppers, do you suck the chocolate off and then see how long it takes for the middles to disolve or do you bite them in half and then stick your tongue into the center to dislove the middle and try to keep the chocolate intact?

Laraine Eddington said...

I prefer the latter method, until my tongue is too sore to eat anymore.

MTeacress said...

Really? You didn't make that up?

So, did you ever get to take that nap?

PS - a lady about stole my shopping cart last week. She was so embarrassed when I tapped her on the shoulder before she could get away. It didn't have salsa, or whoppers! HaHa!

Marti said...

Y'all sure are smart in Arizona. But I sure am glad you grasped the importance of Texas so quickly.

I think the management of H.E.B. has become embarrassed about their name in recent years. It used to be listed in the phone book under the full name, and now it's just H.E.B. But since we don't always pronounce our t's here in the One and only star state, it would sound more like See ya a' Butts.

Yep, there are some surnames that really aren't worth keeping. I bet the Buttes and the Hoggs knew each other too, don'tcha think?

Su said...

I've been living in Austin for two years and just thought it stood for Here Everything's Better, because that's all I've ever seen written down. Now I'm going to laugh too hard to shop the next time I need groceries.

esbboston said...

I forgive you for not being a Texan (that was an accidental typo as 'Taxan' for a moment)