Thursday, April 19, 2012

Newt's Wild Kingdom

Newt Gingrich bitten by penguin at zoo, a place where he loves to go

Newt Gingrich with a binturong bearcat in 1995. (Joe Marquette/AP

Newt Gingrich was bitten by a penguin at the Saint Louis Zoo on Friday during a private tour, zoo officials said.
The candidate was on the tour before giving a speech to the National Rifle Association convention when "he was nipped on the finger" by a Magellanic penguin."


Of course, Larainy could not help but dig deeper into this outrageous miscarriage of animal/political justice/injustice.  

Me:  Hey, you in the penguin suit.  Are you the malefactor that assaulted Newt?

Penguin:  Yeah, that's me.  And if you want to make something of it swim across that moat and stick one of those bony fingers my way.

Me:  Gee, what got your glossy feathers in such a bunch?

Penguin:  (Pulls wallet out of secret penguin pocket)  See this?  Do you know what this is?

Me:  Your Costco card?

Penguin:  No, you dunderhead.  I'm a card carrying member of the ACLU and I don't like politicians who give speeches at the NRA.

Me:  You're a member of the American Civil Liberties Union?

Penguin:  Of course I am, and I'm a Democrat too.  Haven't you seen "March of the Penguins"?  That was just a warm up march.  We're headed for Washington just as soon as Al Gore's hot air melts the rest of the polar ice.

Me:  What cause are you marching for?

Penguin:  The right for every penguin to be given a top hat and cane.  It's outrageous that we've been forced to live in formal wear for centuries without accessories.  We can keep eggs in the hats and those canes will come in handy during hockey season.

Me:  I think you better get a move on if you're going to march on Washington.

Penguin:  Don't I know it.  We don't stand a chance if Mitt Romney is president.  Now there's a finger I'd like to bite.


Anna M said...


that's me laughing as I ate my penguin steak for dinner. Fancy, indeed.

just call me jo said...

Hope the penguin wasn't rabid. hahaha

karen said...

Nasty penguin...

Holly said...

Where does one find a top hat these days? I think they are so stylish. I might just bring them back.

Connie said...

...Al Gore's hot air melting the polar ice! HaHaHaaaHaaHaaaa.

Sue said...

Newt got nibbled, huh?



Haddock said...

A short dialogue that made me laugh :-)