For Your Consideration

Since I am as well qualified as the next unqualified Oscar observer, here are the finely honed fruits of my Academy Award surveillance.

• There was a serious dearth of  hideous Oscar gowns this year.  C'mon Hollywood, why do you think we watch this boring show.

• While you're on the red carpet I want to see what you are wearing, but I don't really want to hear what you're saying

• Tim Burton, I don't know how much you paid for this hairstyle, but my pillowcase will do it for free

• Tim's Gunn is definitely not loaded

• 2 minutes of drama, 158 minutes to go to the bathroom, facebook, trim your toenails and eat snacks.  If you want tension, watch an Elementary School spelling bee

• The Douglas' should have skipped the eyelifts and opted for an earlobe reduction  

• Ladies, if you're going to wear satin, go for the industrial antiperspirant

• Why do people purse their lips when all they are kissing is the air?  Why not just do the cheek bump and save the mouth wrinkles.

Pick a Winner

You have to admit, Oscar season is fun.  Watching rich, powerful, stylish celebrities engage in the sort of popularity contest we escaped after high school graduation is gratifying, bringing back memories of the time you saw "Carabella", the most popular mean girl in the history of the earth walk around with an undetected booger in her nose during an entire lunch hour.   Ahhhh, good times, good times.  

Now don't you worry your pretty little noggin if you haven't seen all the nominees for best picture.  That is why you come to Larainy Days isn't it?  To be educated in all the finer things. Here is a tutorial that will have you up to speed in no time.

The Social Network

The story of a mean geek turning into a rich freak

Forget everything your mother ever taught you 

about drinking your own urine and pocket knife safety

 The tale of a brave girl shooting squirrels for dinner 

who gives her worthless meth dealing dad a hand

 Watching Inception will screw with your perception 

leaving you with misconceptions 

unless you are an exception

 Rooster Cogburn babysits, drinks and kills

bad guys with one eye tied behind his back

The frightening fake baby will haunt your dreams forever

Punching, sweat, and loose teeth; it's kindergarten all over again.

A tender tale of raising goats in the suburbs

You're not the only one who hates public speaking

all images found here