Since I am as well qualified as the next unqualified Oscar observer, here are the finely honed fruits of my Academy Award surveillance.
- There was a serious dearth of hideous Oscar gowns this year. C'mon Hollywood, why do you think we watch this boring show.
- While you're on the red carpet I want to see what you are wearing, but I don't really want to hear what you're saying
- Tim Burton, I don't know how much you paid for this hairstyle, but my pillowcase will do it for free
- Tim's Gunn is definitely not loaded
- 2 minutes of drama, 158 minutes to go to the bathroom, facebook, trim your toenails and eat snacks. If you want tension, watch an Elementary School spelling bee
- The Douglas' should have skipped the eyelifts and opted for an earlobe reduction
- Ladies, if you're going to wear satin, go for the industrial antiperspirant
- Why do people purse their lips when all they are kissing is the air? Why not just do the cheek bump and save the mouth wrinkles.