Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Work That Noggin

Last night I went to the high school talent show.  It was like being at a command performance at Lincoln Center and included such talent as

Highland Bagpipes          Poi
Ukulele Club
                  Beatles Cover Band
American Sign Language Class


My personal son and seven friends performing a brilliant synchronized swim routine without water. 


The only thing to mar my joy was a blockage directly in front of me that obscured my view of 1/3 of the stage.  It looked something akin to this

  image found here
Do you remember this movie?   "So I Married An Axe Murderer" contains the finest description of large headedness ever recorded.

Stuart:  Look at the size of that boy's heed.
Tony:  Shhh!
Stuart:  I'm not kidding, it's like an orange on a toothpick
Tony:  Shhh, you're going to give the boy a complex.
Stuart:  Well, that's a huge noggin, That's a virtual planetoid.
Tony:  Shhh!
Stuart:  ...has it's own weather system
Tony:  Shhh!
Stuart:  HEED!  MOVE!  I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts.  Oh, now that was offside wasn't it?  He'll be cryin' himself to sleep tonight on his huge pillow.

I had my own personal planet orbiting in front of me at the talent show, but since I am trying very hard to be a cheerful, positive person I cranked my neck like a periscope to see around him and thought of all the useful things inherent in a ginormous cranium

  • no one can stretch out your hats
  • room for brain swelling in case of a blow to the head
  • weight gain may create pleasing symmetry
  • snap judgment=assumption of intelligence  
  • makes a big nose look almost dainty
  • provides shade in the sun and shelter in the rain for the rest of the body
  • larger surface area makes it easier to head the ball playing soccer

Well now, I feel much better about large noggins.  Don't you?


Holly said...

So what's the deal? No video of the waterless synchronized swimming routine? Crap. I would have been there had I known.

I'm Cindy said...

Waterless synchronized swimming! Classic!! Wish I could have seen it. Too bad about the big head :(

Anna M said...

I feel better about my own heed now. thanks

Connie said...

I seem to be a magnet for BIG heads sitting in front of me at sporting events, movie theaters, church, concerts, you name it. I have never thought about the poor person who has to carry it around. Thanks for teaching me about compassion. Although I do like the idea that a large head might make the largest of noses seem dainty! Hahahaha!!

AVY said...

Swimming without water is awesome.

Pepe Le Pew said...

I love that movie. The scene at Alcatraz is great. said...

Came to say hello and thank you for following my blog and discovered a hilarious and entertaining blog here. I'm delighted to 'meet you'. Obviously I have signed up to be your latest fan/follower and now I'm going for a rummage through your posts. (If you don't mind!)

Sue said...

Yep, as long as they're not in front of ME.


PS. My hubby and the rest of his bishopric did that synchronized swimming thing at the singles ward talent show. It was a riot!

Amanda- Hip House Girl said...

Yeah- no video? I'm disappointed. SIMAAM (my acronym for that movie) is one of my favorites. My brother and I always quote the Phil Hartman part where he's giving the prison tour.

Sorry about the planetoid-head in front of you.

jen said...

Brad cites "ginormous cranium" more frequently than I can appreciate.

karen said...

I would have liked to have seen the routine. You didn't happen to video it, did you?

Melynda said...

Swimming without water has it's merits and is the only way I know how, being from California and all. You know that phrase, "makes a big nose look almost dainty", love it!

Cortni said...

omg I had a friend in high school who would do that scene because he sounded just like Mike Myers!! too funny