THIS JUST IN!!!

Nothing is quite as enlightening as a small-town police report. Can you distinguish the real entries from the ones that came from my fevered imagination?


a. Police received a report that for two days a goat had its head stuck in a vent by the high school green house. The animal control officer released the goat using bolt cutters. The principal said he would make sure the goat was taken care of and he would contact the agriculture teacher to fix the situation so the goat doesn't get stuck again.


b. Purvis Fly contacted police and reported that his goat had been stolen. The last time he saw him was Friday night when he locked the animal into his “goat detention device” to teach him not to eat the laundry off the clothes line.


c. The Agriculture Dept. at the high school requested a fire permit in order to host a first annual “Goat Barbecue”, proceeds to benefit the F.F.A.

a. A woman reported two people tried to sell fireworks to her son. When her husband came out they took off. An officer responded and found the vehicle in the Bashas' parking lot by Movie Gallery. The fireworks, black cats, were found and confiscated.


b. The 4th of July patriotic fireworks display has been called off because someone stole the fireworks.


c. Schnebly farms reports that all the leftover pumpkins that were stored in the root cellar have been stolen and blown up in a fallow corn field. Neighbors report a disturbing scene of total carnage. Ed Riley, a Vietnam vet, was transported to the hospital suffering from flashbacks.

a. A resident of Meadow Valley subdivision reported cows running around again. When the officer arrived, the cows were gone.

b. Traffic will be diverted on main street between 9:00-11:00 a.m. next week for the annual “Running of the Cows” (sponsored by Hatch Dairy).


c. Coach Swensen reports 30-40 fresh cow pies on the newly refinished high school track. Vandalism is suspected.










a. A woman reported when she was in Bashas', her car was taken. An officer responded and a report was taken. The vehicle was found in another area of the parking lot.


b. A woman reports her husband is missing. An officer responded and a report was taken. The husband was found in another area of the house.


c. A man reports his dog is missing. An officer responded and a report was taken. The dog was found later chasing cows around the high school track. 


answers: a, a, a and a