Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Fashion 101

Dear readers, did you spend half an hour rifling through your closet this morning only to give up in disgust and pull your pair of stretchy  pants from the hamper, pairing them with the blouse that only has one tiny stain that is located somewhere under the the shadow of your enormous bosom so nobody can see it anyway?

Well I have only two words to say about your fashion sense.

Tsk, tsk.

You have come to the right place because today Larainy Days is offering a completely free Fashion Tutorial that will help you know
  • What is up and what is down this season
  • What to wear with what for what
  • What to say when someone asks "What are you wearing?"
First of all, you must check out this fabulous fashion blog The Sartorialist.  (Don't worry what a sartorialist is because you could only fathom the meaning with your thinking cap on and you already took it off to read Larainy Days.) The Sartorialist features candid photos of chic people from fashionable spots like Milan Italy, Paris France and Hygiene, Colorado.  

This fashionbloganisto is so popular he even gets invited to exclusive runway events where emaciated designers hang their new collections on models who look pregnant if they swallow a grape.

Look and learn dear reader 
Look and learn 

WHAT:  Edgar Allen Poe is a HUGE influence this year.  Clothe yourself in raven from neck to toe and shame on you if you sneeze because allergies are so 90's.

WHERE:  Suitable for a funeral if it is not outdoors during condor mating season.

WHAT:  Steal the top off a mother of the bride ensemble, pair it with hot pants, grease your legs and slide them into a pair of sassy open toe boots and you are up to date girl.

WHERE:  No one will care whether your little darling is the worst goalie in history when you stride up and down the soccer sidelines in this little number.  You will even be forgiven for forgetting treats.

WHAT:  Who cares if the puppy chewed up the laundry again?  Throw it over your shoulder, grab your umbrella and let it rain, let it rain, let it rain

WHEN:  This outfit is so fabulous it cannot be ruined by your school crossing guard vest and kids will follow fluttering fringe anywhere, so be a vibrant volunteer.

WHAT:  Someone rode their motorcyle plumb through a tornado and their loss is your gain.  Lacerated leather laced with zippers scream style this year.

WHEN:  Everyone needs an outfit that will take them to the front of the line at the Department of Motor Vehicles.  This ensemble says "Give me what I want right now or I will call my brother Edward Scissorhands and he will sculpt your face."

WHAT:  Remember, only inney bellybuttons are inney this year.  Outey bellybuttons are outey.  Outeys have two options 1) surgery or 2) super glue.

WHEN:  When you are ready for a roadtrip, tie jumper cables around your waist in a carefree knot and take to the highway knowing that you are prepared.

WHAT:  Pajamas go right from the bed to the boardroom this year saving oodles of time getting ready in the morning.  If you forget your bra, don't forget your binoculars

WHEN:  Wear this while walking in a back and forth pattern across your hardwood floors and they will be dustfree in a jiffy.

WHAT:  Who cares if animal skin patterns are out of style in bathmats this year.  Repurpose by tying about the waist with a fabulous skinny belt and you are good to go.

WHEN:  When your cat is feeling down, she will find comfort in your furry lap.

These smashing fashion photos all found at the sartorialist


Holly said...

Oh man, how embarrassing! I've been tying my jumper cables around my waist in a perfect bow. Where, oh where were you yesterday when I needed your advice?

MT said...

I knew it. I knew you were good at this sort of thing. I should have followed your blog a long, long time ago. I wish I could have consulted with you on the day of my Jr. High graduation. ;)

Sue said...

Oh, Laraine! How do you do it? This is beyond amusing.

In fact, a new word should be coined to do your humor justice.

Humorific, perhaps? Humoricious? ...??


Dennise said...

You are one CRAZY chick!

Anna M said...

correct me if I am wrong (which is never likely), but the Sartorialist is a MAN, man

Laraine Eddington said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LKP said...

h ah ah aha h aha h aha ha ha ha!!!!! this is an awesome post!
made my day of packing and rushing around to get out of town a little more bearable. thank you!

lol re: marcel. couldn't seriously stop laughing and crying while watching it yesterday! (:

Dem, Mem and Them said...

I am still trying to decide what gender some of these folks are? But do like the Mother of the Bride ensemble. So me!

Anonymous said...

I absolutely cannot wait to have kids now, knowing that I have that tweed outfit up my sleeve. I will be the hottest mom on the soccer field!

Also, I think the motorcycle chick took it a step further and painted on her eyebrows with used motor oil.

You are hilarious and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post.

Sarah said...

You are a genius. I can't wait to sport my new looks!

karen said...

So in love with all these hot looks. Especially the pajama one. I'm all about comfort. And dusting.

Oregon Gifts of Comfort and Joy said...

Hi Laraine,

Thank you for making me laugh out loud first thing this morning!

I'm just wondering if you have a favorite one of all? I kind of like the bedroom to boardroom with binoculars that sweeps the floor for you. A very multi-tasking sort of outfit is always good, in my opinion.

Have a great day!

The Keylors said...

Bwah ha ha ha!!!! Love your humor!

Pondside said...

Would you come with me the next time I shop the petite section of the Talbot's Clearance Centre at the Outlet Mall? I just know that with your help I could pull together a memorable look.

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Ohmigosh...too funny! Thanks for the laugh. I loved all of them.