Hold on to your calculator and install your pen protector in your left front pocket, it's learning time with Larainy.
FACT # 1: The United States produces this thing called the gross domestic product which, contrary to what you are thinking is not a giant pile of manure. It is somewhat akin to a super ginormous umbrella that shelters many, many products that you love. We can think of each of these products as a "leg" dangling off the umbrella. Oh wait, let's start over. The big giant thing called the gross domestic product can be compared to the biggest spider of all time and it has a bunch of legs. There, that's better.
FACT # 2: One of the biggest hairy legs on the GDP spider is the business of smelly things; or more correctly, the business of making positive smelly things to cover up negative smelly things.
FACT #3: Our economy is currently "in the toilet" or more correctly "in the outhouse receptacle". EXCEPT IN THE AREA OF SMELLY THINGS!!! The average American citizen would rather buy something that makes something smell good than eat.
FACT #4: If your paltry savings are not gone, you need a safe place to put them so they will grow and flourish, and not wither up like your Aunt Ermengarde who is 113.
Larainy has come to your rescue with a HUGE investment opportunity. I found a cute lab coat at TJ Maxx and have been experimenting in my kitchen with various "masking scents". These smells are guaranteed to overpower every smelly smell currently produced in your home with an acceptable, even pleasant smell that will help prevent brain damage from your current stinkitudiness.
Currently in the test phase are:
Wealthy vanilla - The crisp smell of newly minted 100 dollar bills with a slight vanilla undertone.
Masks - The smell of generic hotdogs cooked in the microwave.
Fruity Prosperity - The scent of exotic fruits you never buy like gooseberries, currants, figs and kumquats blended with a frankincense overtone.
Masks - The smell of a glass of spilled milk, that has gone undetected under the couch since last week.
Leather and Lace - Manly touches of new riding chaps and expensive briefcases combined with brief waves of expensive women's underwear recently folded around a lavendar sachet in a bureau drawer of burled walnut.
Masks - The smell of his gym clothes after a pickup game of basketball and the sodden t-shirt she was wearing while she cried for an hour because he was playing basketball with his friends instead of watching Grey's Anatomy with her.
I accept cash or gold bars
2 hours ago