Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween Safety Tips

Of course, I  am being totally insincere 
in wishing  you a "spooktaculous" Halloween
  because the only wish Larainy has for this 
 sugar soaked night of unbridled panhandling
is for you and your little darlings to be safe.   

a cautionary list to protect you and your wee ones

1.  You may think that old tales of razor blades imbedded in apples are only urban legends, but don't be fooled by the modern incarnation called "apple with a handle"

 2.  Avoid the home that features year-round red and orange lights, skeletal Santas and a "Haunted Christmas theme"

image found here

3.   Don't be fooled when you see this innocent looking threesome.  You can identify the infamous "Peavler Gang" by their innocent smiles and Snicker flavored breath.  If let them get too close you will never see your hard earned candy again

4. Be aware that in Republican neighborhoods, you are more likely to get a long boring lecture about the flat tax before you get a KitKat

5. Be aware that in Democrat neighborhoods you are more likely to get a hunk of government cheese

6. I don't care how smokin' hot they make your calves look.  Don't try to trick or treat in these

7.  Don't drink Koolaid with this guy.  In fact, run when you see him because he will never be able to catch you

8.  Avoid all treats served in green tupperware labeled "meatloaf, April '09"

9. Do not accept any candy sealed in cat hair instead of plastic

10.  Recognize that anyone handing out Almond Joys is trying to impress the parents and probably needs a friend


Pondside said...

Almond Joys? Please post that address....on the other hand, I may go on a watercress diet after looking at that human jack o'lantern.

just call me jo said...

Yes, your warnings are scarier than the goblins that will lurk tonight. The jack'o'lantern guy is truly haunting. I'm not a fan of trick or treating...I don't know why. You stay safe too.

Connie said...

Thanks for all the warnings and great advice although I may still be wearing those shoes, it doesn't get any hotter than that!!!

Anna M said...

ha! My sister-in-law was just telling us last night how she used to inspect her candy for needle holes. Just in case. Because we all know how visible needle holes are.

Sue said...

I used to love getting all my kids' Almond Joys by default.

And that Kool-Aid guy is grossing me out.


Amanda- Hip House Girl said...

I love almond joy! (Crickets chirping...) My dad loves Necco wafers and circus peanuts. Yikes. My favorite thing as a kid was getting a bag of Doritos from the Frito Lay guy.

Tonight, we're going up the canyon to enjoy the last day before snow (sniffle). So I'm probably going to leave our candy in a bowl on the porch and tell myself that polite children took one each (while in reality some teenager will probably dump the whole bowl in their pillowcase).

Grammy Goodwill said...

hahaha - Thanks for the tips. I'm still laughing.

Michelle Teacress said...

That Kool Aid outfit is only funny for .15 seconds.

Anne said...

Haha love them all, but I'm kind of dying over the almond joys. Yuck!

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

My laptop suppressed most of the pics; fortunately, my imagination filled in the blanks with the aid of your hysterical taglines. Hehehe...The Peavler Gang did me in.

Misha said...

Lol hilarious. ^_^ How did your Halloween go?

Misha said...

Lol hilarious. ^_^ How did your Halloween go?

Melynda said...

Wow, the kool aid guy is scarry, funny but scarry!