Valentine SOS

I'll make this quick, since you are probably on your way to Walgreens to peruse the picked over section of Valentine Cards.  I don't want you to end up with a card for the love of your life that looks like this

To a Wonderful Son husband

so go buy a blank card and I will help by providing you the borrowed heartfelt sentiment.

FOR YOUR DOG

To my faithful friend

I'll love you til' the end

In spite of your breath

Which causes brain death

 

FOR YOUR CHILD

I gave you birth

Brought your soul to earth

Changed your Pamper

Washed your hamper

So here's a broom

Go clean your room

And you just might find

The chocolate I left behind

FOR A YOUNG LOVE (Female)

 Your tattoo is like

a haiku on your ankle

One with spiky hair

when you forget to shave or

accidentally miss a spot

FOR A YOUNG LOVE (Male)

Only you

Can make me forget

Justin Beiber

(Except the hair, I really wish you had his hair)

FOR A NEW LOVE

Baby I need an inhaler 

You've run me over with a tractor-trailer

If my fever gets any higher

I can throw away my blow dryer 

FOR A MEDIUM AGE LOVE

Remember that time

when you said my eyes were

bluer than

your favorite fishing lake?

Neither do I

But if you'll say it

I'll scratch your back

FOR AN OLD LOVE

What do you want to do tonight?

Really?  Me too